Just what I needed

Hello

All I have done this morning is cry...cry..ahhh well crying is ok and I feel is just what I needed.....am over the moon about being engaged but deep down I knew that still my weight is an issue for me......so I jumped on the scales not prepared for what they revealed but must face reality and say I am now 110 kgs.............a hell of a lot of weight to cry about .........so out came all the emotions , the blame, the hating myself, the wonder why my guy would have asked me to marry him as all I am is fat and ugly.....I feel like a mix master is inside me........... so there is the story behind the morning of tears....... I went back to day 1 of my blog and have just re read all my entries ...gathered some points here and there, laughed and cried some more.....and am now ready to start this journey all over again............

For however long it takes ....I am going to try and blog more regularly and have also decided to draw on past entries for inspiration, will post a past entry from time to time in no specific order What better time to start then now


Blog entry 2005
I had Al's Y7 orientation day yesterday cant believe Al is off to high school next year only seems like yesterday I was leaving her in kindergarten.Looking back over these past years and what we as a family have endured and overcome to get where we all are today brings tears and a smile to my face. I know what it is like to overcome hurdles, to survive when you somehow dont know how that is going to happen and if there really is such a thing as a rainbow at the end but there is and that is how I know that I will get to my goal ...this is what will make me continue no matter what hurdle appears. I know I am sort of rambling here but I need to see this for myself...be able to go back and read over this during the next few week

Time to start this journey again...........time to wipe away the tears......... hugs to you all :)

You can bend but never break me
'Cause it only serves to make me
More determined to achieve my final goal
And I come back even stronger
Not a novice any longer
'Cause you've deepened the conviction in my soul

Better late than never

Hello ooooooo am back .........god knows how many times ive been and gone.....anyway so much has happened in the past 4 to 6 weeks where does one start.....
Ok first with the sad news my daughter had a miscarriage 2 weeks ago .....mainly brought on by her violent ex b/f who has now landed himself a few yrs holiday ............ she is as well as can be expected...............

Hard to be happy when she is going through all this but I do deserve to be happy and therefore am over the moon to say that my lovely man asked me to marry him ...... he took me out to dinner 3 weeks ago and proposed ........I was shocked .....delighted.......and my ring is absolutely gorgeous........... so the future holds a big move for the girls and I ...over to the coast which is great ...beaches.........him...... sand......... him .............places to go and did I mention him lol....... will try and work out how to post a pic on here so you can all have a look at the ring :).....

next exciting news is that I was offered part time work in 2008 from my work placement .... woooooo hooooooo ......will work p/t and complete my diploma before moving to the coast......


On the weight front well nothing great....staying about the same I think ...one day I will be brave enough to hop back on the scales .......... anyway must go just wanted to share my world with you all ...is my 43 rd birthday today so best get back to my friends ....hope you are all well will be around soon xxx

last day of ME time

Today is the last day of me time and I have had such a wonderful week.......doing things for me , seeing friends, exercising, my gardens , my house, shopping................gawd I have missed this , has been a huge year going back to study but after the next four weeks its all over ......until next year if I dont get a job.....have decided to enrol and do the 2nd yr to complete and get half a degree if I dont get work out of this , if I do get work then I will do the last yr externally.
I am kinda really nervous about work placement .......been really negative , questioning my ability, what if I dont do this right etc , gee I am my own worst enemy at times anyway can you all wish me well :) ta

Lee-Anne ..... I dont know I dont recall receiving an email from you ..my email is leathal_ nite 2002@ hotmail.com weird one I know lol.......hope you all have great weekend xxxxxxxxxxxxx

hello

Hi all

I dont seem to be able to get around here as often as I would like...do however read your blogs and know what is going on in your worlds....Lee-Anne if you read this let me into your blog pleaseeeee miss you so much :).....not sure why I cant get into your blog.

Anyways have a week off before my work placement , wasnt meant to be like this but turns out my supervisor doesnt get back until this week and therefore needs some time to catch up on stuff which is understandable.....suits me just fine am enjoying having me time without assignments due :).

On the weight loss front alls been good..eating has been pretty spot on , exercise well could be better, certainly have made up for some lost time so far this week, spent 4 hours in my yard yesterday....was surprised at just how much I enjoyed it ...have missed this......even managed to get back into some serious exercise yesterday and today and feel on top of my world....dont know why I stop doing exercise as I know just how good I feel, is incredible what exercise does for me.

OK am outa here ....to read and comment on your blogs...

Em x

hanging in

Hey all :)

Yep I know its been a long time ........well where do I start ?

From the beginning ...went away for first week of the holidays...wasnt anywhere near a computer ....had a good time overall , went to Sydney for the weekend , Darling harbour on the Saturday wow hasnt that place gone ahead ..was wonderful ...went to the new wildlife park and the aquarium ... and walked around Darling Harbour twice, then we went to the rocks area and spend Saturday night staring at the harbour...must admit that I think Sydney Harbour is just absolutely gorgeous... miss 9 says when you open your eyes at home you see nothing when you open your eyes in Sydney you see everything ...lol just about sums it up but hey girl we arent moving to Sydney sorry ......
Sunday we went to the NRL grandfinal girls stayed with my girlfriends daughter so was good to be kid free especially at the footy ....go storm woo hooooo yes I know I am a Wests Tigers fan thru and thru but I hate manly :) lol.......spent the rest of the week in Newcastle catching up with friends and family and shopping..and the beach oh gawd how we miss the beach..we are like caged animals being relaeased once we get there .
The only downer of the week was when we took miss 21 back to her flat , we discovered that her delightful ex b/f had taken her stereo and dvd player ......... he had her keys ( long story )....in hindsight she should have reported him for not giving her her keys back but she didnt think he would steal her stuff and believed he would return them to her when she got back to Newcastle ....WRONG ....... asshole really want to believe in kharma....anyway we went to the Police and she had to notify real estate about her keys .......and has moved back in with my parents until Christmas .........after that have no idea .........she doesnt want to come back here but maybe she might have to......

Anyway am back at Tafe .....full speed ahead now only 2 more weeks in the classroom and 3 weeks of work placement and its over yippeeee ......want to get a real job out of this so fingers crossed................ am doing my work placement in disabilities not my choice but its only for 3 weeks so will make the most of it... should be very interesting and challenging.


Ok on the side of eating and exercising ...dont even go there ..hasnt been good .......but today was a new day and all I can do is look ahead ...better days ahead ...............one day I will get back to my goal weight is just going to take a while.........lessons to be learnt .....1 If I make one bad choice dont turn it into 10 bad choices ..........


Ok well I will be around in the next few days to comment on your blogs and catch up with you all..hope all is wonderful
Love Em x

not so good

Hi

Thanx to everyone who commented on my last post......yes of course I will support my daughter and love my grandchild but the road for her is not going to be a pleasant one...the father of the baby is a no hoper they split up 2 weeks ago and really she wouldnt want him in her life now.....not sure why she had him in her life to begin with and not sure why she didnt take precautions god knows how many conversations we had about that but what is done is done, no use crying over spilt milk so to speak ....but he has been giving her such a hard time since she has been here that she has had to go change her phone number and is looking at having to take legal steps ( which she doesnt want to ) but may have to so things arent good.
I have been feeling really sick in the tummy.....especially after my evening meal but over the weekend its been from lunch time onwards .....was having a cuppa with my friend yesterday and said to her you know if I didnt know better I would swear I was pregnant as its the same feeling I had then , she laughed and said to me maybe you are having Ash's morning sickness...I looked at her , she looked at me and we both said is that possible??...Does anyone have any ideas on that one ???

Exercise could be better, eating could be better....... if this gets back on track I know I will feel better emotionally as well as physically....havent lost the attitude just its gone into hiding.......scary bit is I am afraid of loosing it...gawd this is awful.....maybe I really do need to go talk to someone as I just cant seem to cope all that good these days when things go wrong and gees life isnt rosey all the time for any of us.

Hope you are all having a lovely weekend

Em x

Still here

Hello

I am still here..... this past week hasnt been such a great week for me in lots of ways but I have still maintained my exercise to a small amount and eating hasnt been too bad at all....emotionally I have been a wreck tho......daughter no 1 comes home last Friday with the news that she is pregnant........... yep I want to be a grandma but not in these circumstances....I am not disappointed in her but very disappointed for her , know what I mean.......so this news has thrown me then to top it off I have been sick after my evening meal then fine next morning so have no idea what thats all about......tafe has been so busy we only have 4 more weeks left in the classroom this year as we start our work placements 3rd week back after the holidays...stil dont know where I am going yet but have to do 6 work outcomes based on where I am going..... go figure how that one is supposed to be done.....I am a thinker and a planner not a spur of the moment person but am learning that being like that is going to be somewhat of a requirement, another learning bee for me ............. hope everyone is well ....... will catch up with you all really soon

Love Em x

I am WOMAN I can do ANYTHING

Hello all
I am back ..yes you have heard this before but im back and I am here to stay.........I have gone a whole week without going off track..have counted my points, exercised, done tafe, been a mum , been a friend and it has came naturally, am feeling great, have so much energy and excitement its a wonder you cant feel it from there... I have not given into temptations and boy there has been a few but just knew within that I didnt need to eat the pizza, didnt need to buy the chocolates and chips, didnt need the pluto pup today at the markets and the list goes on and on.......I know deep within that the old em is back , I am focussing on the future, the point I want to be at by Christmas, seeing me as I want to be , being the key to my success :)..

I will not be reporting weight loss atm as far the scales are concerned for me just to feel better is fantastic and I know that soon my clothes will reveal weight loss and for me that suits me fine:)
Thankyou dear blog buddies, ty lady at Gloria Jeans....... and thank me for trusting in me again

Will be around in the next few days.....hope all is as wonderful
Love Em x

a negative into a positive

Hi all

Firsty a big thankyou to all who commented on my last posting :) was very touching to read what you all wrote and how much you care and realistically a wake up call...........made me really think long and hard and I know exactly how I feel being fatter again...not good so here goes again.



I had another wake up call last Friday , I went to gloria jeans with a g/f planned to have a hot choc with skim milk , ended up having a hot chocolate with skim milk and a left with a negative that I decided to turn into a positive.

The story goes like this



I saw this lady that I know from here and she says to me hows the weight loss going......seems as though you have gained weight and you were doing so well, sad really that you didnt stick to it..... I was fuming internally, thoughts of like hello blind man charlie can see I have gained weight, how dare you say that to me in front of people, how dare you of all people who are overweight big time and choose to do nothing about it say that to me but then it got me thinking .... it was the truth although she could have handled it a bit better it was still the truth.....my decision.... to turn this into a positive and remind myself of her words regularly :) thanx a million just what I needed ..... motivation to stick to this........am one determined lady when I want to be.



I will be around soon to catch up on everyones blogs..hope all is wonderful in your worlds



Love Em xxx

fatter by the minute

hi

I am a failure...........am getting fatter by the minute.............I really dont know what to do just cant seem to keep at it this time...............I think I am going well and thought I had really found the old em but nope I havent..........some days I just eat and eat and feel sorry for myself...why am I doing this?? I think I might need help as I face all my stresses with food:(

Sorry
Em

I hurt my eye :(

Hello Everyone

Sorry I havent been around..this time cant blame tafe..reason being I injured my eye last Saturday.........we were pruning trees and shrubs and a branch flung back and caught me in my left eye..was like ouch but was fine then I was talking to my mum on the phone about 8 ish and omg the pain in my eye was instant and unbearable.....went to the hospital sat there for 3 1/2 hours, to be told I would probably be still here in 4 hours time..grrrrrrrrrr bugger that I came home.......guess they didnt consider it too serious as I could still see out of it , my vision wasnt really affected.....too bad apparently that my eye lid was twice its normal size, using it hurt like hell but nope ..anyway not really whinging here but I didnt go back on Sunday much to the annoyance of my family .....Monday came and it was awful...the pain was still there if I turned my eye to the left and after 4 hours of tafe wasnt good so I decided to go to OPSM ....the girl there was wonderful anyway what I did was grazed the majority of my eye and it had became infected as apparently I was allergic to the sap......still is really sensitive to light, still cant turn it to the left without cringing but its almost back to normal to look at...........funny thing is I always wear my sunnies..this time nope and this happens.........

Weigh in on Monday wasnt anything spectacular......no loss no gain.....really need to take a long hard look here...really..... have come up with the conclusion that I really cant do this alone this time around..I need some direction and some support...basically something to keep me honest....am thinking of signing up to WW again and attending meetings. A friend has offered to come walking with me every afternoon so I hope she can as I really need someone to give me a good shove :(

Ok well I will try and catch up with you all over the next 2 days...hope all is good in your worlds

Love Em x

Monday.....weigh in......

Hello
Week 2 shows a loss of 500 grams so on that front all seems to be going good...............to say I am struggling at times would be somewhat of an understatement........at times it has been like torture to resist not going back to old ways..........anyway will take each day at a time all one can really do hey.

Sorry I havent been around your blogs lately just been really busy with tafe and then had a huge weekend..will pop by later today until then hope everyone is well

Love Em x

weigh day and sneezes

Firstly today was weigh in day and am very happy to say I have lost 3 kgs.....mostly fluid no doubt but ty very much :)

Day 1 back at Tafe and already 2 assignments ........grrrrrr but they dont look so bad :). I must have sneezed at least 30 times today...be good if for every sneeze you lost an ounce :) ..it is most annoying......not sure why I am sneezing ..I walked to tafe at 8 30 ,the air was cold and blowing in my face but it was such a awsome feeling , made me feel so alive and fresh , even got me thinking about getting up at 5 30 and going for a walk instead of my exercise bike..whether that comes off will be another thing might wait until the weather is a bit warmer...big difference between 5 30 and 8 30 .

I made my lunch and snacks for tafe today much better , made me full of confidence... had a chicken salad for lunch with ww ceaser dressing much to the amazement of my fellow class mates ...fancy eating salads in winter..was a warm chicken salad left to go cold :). It was scrumptious and snacks were an orange , apple and 2 rice cakes ......good girl hey :).

Well am off now going to go do some more bike...hope all is well and have a great week

Love Em x

Sunday Blues

I have had the Sunday blues :( I have been feeling sorry for myself...... looking at myself..crying over those gained kgs, but enough of that..here is a conscious decision that this is going to stop as of now......
Yesterday we had the Harry Potter maniac oops mania in our house , my 13 yr old pacing the house because we werent lined up before 9 am and we were going to miss out lol .....gees will there be life after Harry Potter ....... we went to see the movie last weekend wasnt too bad ...I enjoy it because I see how much my girls love it, thats my excuse anyway lol.
OK back to Tafe tomorrow..... the goal is to fit some sort of exercise into my day...eat properly by making sure I go to tafe prepared everyday...no excuses to not take a nice healthy lunch and morning tea to tafe....... is going to be a long hard term..one of our modules is mental health should be very interesting.
Hope everyone is well , will leave you with this quote

"TODAY any woman can fight the battles of just one day. It is only when you and I add the burdens of those two awful eternities-YESTERDAY and TOMORROW - that we break down.

Glad to be back

Hi Everyone

It is so good to be back blogging........ missed you all so much:).Day 3 today and I am feeling really good.......just from eating good healthy food , water and a bit of exercise I feel so much more energised. Is amazing really just how much fluid I retain but have accepted that this is not going to go away but by lowering my weight and with exercise then the retention wont be so bad.

As I said in last post I am halfway through my tafe course...am enjoying it, has been really hard work but I am very proud of myself and the effort I have put into all my assignments and boy have we had some assignments around 25 so far and am happy to say I have got distinctions in every graded module so far :) so lesson is if you are prepared to put in the work then you will reap the rewards. I am determined to give my weight loss the same amount of respect that I have given my course .

Am so glad to have caught up with you all and made some new friends :) ... is so good to be able to share this journey with you all and be a part of your weight loss world :)



Ok is absolutely freezing here ..coldest winter I have felt in the six years I have lived here ..we are having mornings of minus 4 brrrrrrrrrr am off now to have a nice green tea.

Hope all is well
Love Em xxxx

Remember Me

Hello
Well it seems like a lifetime....has been a long time.....but now it's " the time"...yep you have read right today is the day where journey no 2 begins.... I have asked myself why is this time going to be any different from the last times...answer because I have found the old me again the girl with spirit, the girl with determination, the girl with the inner peace , the girl who will get to goal and this time when she does she will see herself as she is not how she used to be.

I have grown up and if gaining 20 kgs was needed for that to happen then so be it........this time round I will appreciate each step I take and be happy......... the way I see it is if you always want more then you will never be happy with what you have.......I will be happy this time at goal.......I will appreciate how far I have come and I will respect myself enough this time to not gain again.

I am half way through my tafe course.....a course that has consumed me...but one that also has given me so much self awareness.....one that has made me really see the beauty I have as a person .....inside and out........

75 kgs here I come :)

About Time

Hi All

Firstly thankyou for everyone who has popped by my blog is so nice to know you gals are thinking about me.

Well I have been swamped with this Tafe course and my girls....have really struggled to make it all fall into place........have had 13 assignments to do in the first term and some have been really full on...at times I have been really stressed ..mornings of going to bed at 12 30 and then up again at 5 30 to try and get some sort of exercise in have been part of my world..also trying to be here for the girls so they dont feel left out as I have always said NO 1 I am a mum and by the end of the week I have been so tired and more stressed that at times I have asked myself IS this really worth it........Answer has been yes all the time just kept saying to myself it will get easier and trying really hard to convince myself :).

Soooooooo have no idea what my weight situation is like ..feel really fat atm and I am aware that some of my clothes are tighter so gosh knows what damage ive done...........thing is I havent been overeating but exercise has really gone by the wayside and the food choices havent always been good either ........Conclusion ...I need a big kick up the bum........... Solution...........Ok have done myself a timetabe thurs n fri are solely for tafe assignments while girls are at school....so hopefully this will stop the late nights which means the mornings of exercise will happen which means Em will be on top of her world if she can exercise... sounds good hey?

Well seeing as tho I do have a life besides Tafe.. my eldest turned 21 on the 7th March and my 3rd turned 13 on the 11th March so we have had 2 pretty big celebrations happening :).

I will try and pop by everyones blogs really soon .............hope all is going well for everyone

Love Em xxxxxxxxxx

Busy..busy...busy

Hello

I have been so busy getting the girls back to school ..started miss 9 in a new school one closer to where we now live ..made more sense especially with me starting Tafe and hopefully she will make friends with kids in our area.

Tafe is very heavy....wouldnt really expect welfare not to be now would we..am enjoying it though and even after only 3 days its been amazing just how much more I have learnt about ME.......am so determined to get this qualification and then get the job I want.....I truly believe I can give so much to this area.

Well as far as this journey is going hasnt been too bad at all have managed an hr each day of exercise and my eating is absolutely brilliant while at tafe......but I am struggling at home and this makes me so mad when I can go all day virtually and not worry yet once at home have this struggle.grrrrrrrrr.....but as each struggle appears I just kindly remind myself I can do this..I dont need this nor do I want this and basically this has had a 98% success. I am not finding it as easy.... not that the last time was easy but its harder for me this time..is all in my head and I really feel that I need to find that inner peace again ..once I find that it may then become easier. I havent been near the scales......... I figure that time will come eventually...just dont want to rock the boat so to speak ............

I t is so hot and dry here .....our water levels are slowly twindling.....we cant use hoses only buckets and is very hard to try and maintain our gardens and yards.....they estimate only enough water for 12 mths if no real rainfall.....isnt good ......

Ok well I am out of here ..have been by some of you ones I havent expect a visit soon .....just I have been so busy with Tafe and then the girls once home and exercise and home duties ....trying to fit it all into place will take time but we will get there just like our weight loss journey hey:)

Take care all
Em xxxx

Winners never Quit...Quitters never Win

Hi Again

Today has been a very eventful day.........firstly I woke up with so many mixed emotions..I felt really down n out and as I lied in bed all I could do was think about the kgs I have gained and how I felt I had lost so much of me....so much of my newly found confidence..so much of my energy ..... and the fear of how am I really going to do this again and then the tears came tumbling down.....it was almost uncontrollable crying..cetainly it was a cry that I hadnt had in a very long time ...tears became sobs and when I finally stopped I felt like a load had been lifted..maybe it was long overdue???.

After breakfast the four of us went to the movies to see Flicka........what a beautiful movie even miss 19 enjoyed it.We then went for a walk down town..last day of the festival thank god lol....Ah its not that bad but this yr there were soo many more ppl here then previous years and it was a rat race.....we didnt get to do too much as we only got back from Newcastle on the Wednesday but we did get to see Lee Kernighan in the park on Thursday night which was good anyways after that it was shopping for some fresh fruit and vegies so now my fridge is chockers with the right kind of food and my cupboards are friendly too so this is a definate step in the right direction hey:).

This afternoon I have read so many blogs....found some new inspirational quotes.......made some new friends found some old ones :) and am feeling really good.
Emotionally I am unstable atm ..might have something to do with not having much ME time for the past 6 weeks...my friends tell me things will settle down when school goes back which is probably true:).........I have enrolled in tafe to do welfare...this has been my passion for so long ...for so long I have avoided it but last yr applied and got accepted.....my course starts on the5th Feb...got to be honest there has been times in the past week that I have thought no I cant do this.....how many times have I lost faith in myself recently??? ANSWER far too many times and I think its about time I stopped this.......found this gr8 inspiration "Winners never Quit and Quitters never Win" how true is this........Em take note of this let this sink in girl !!!!!!!!!!!.

Anyways I am out of here for now.......hope you all had a lovely weekend

Em xx

What the hell am I doing here

Hello

I have no idea if anyone is still around to read this........what I do know is I need this to keep me honest and to help me get rid of these kgs.......

Yes you heard right unwanted kgs that I now have to get rid of again...dont worry I have asked myself a hundred times or more over these past 8 months....What the hell am I doing here...Why am I doing this to me after I worked so damn hard to get to goal in the first place.......no answer really.....could be stoopidiness.......carelessness..........whatever it was it cant be anymore...I dont want to get back to where I was...I cant go back to being that person who lives in self denial ....so no more excuses........get your act together and back on track.............

The damage done over the past 8 mths is 19 kgs..I know that is soo bad and yes also so hard to have to sit here and write this but I have to face up to this ..it may be the only way to kickstart my journey again.

I know I have to blog regularly..........hope I can gain some support on the way as that is something that is priceless

I am 42 yr old now............and its about time I realised that this time its for keeps...no more being overweight and unhealthy..I know I can do this........I will tell myself this everyday until I reach my goal then every day after that..atm that is the only goal I am setting myself..I know the road to goal....its one of ups and downs..commitment..attitude..determination....healthier eating and exercise...... its one that never ends unless you give up and throw the towel in and boy this gal aint gonna do that..

I will pop by my old buddies soon..............I hope some of you join me yet again for the journey

Em xxx

Holidays

Hello

Here we are into the second week of the school holidays....been to the movies a couple of times, ten pin, the park, a fete and the markets last Sunday.....so we have been busy.....tomorrow my 8 yr old is going on her first sleepover at a friends house she is so excited :).

I have been really motivated even though it is school holidays and before this has been a time when I have struggled am not good when my routine is interupted normally but this time all seems to be going smoothly.....so am really proud of this achievement....even got back into my weights and am doing 12 different upper body exercises 3 sets of 12 with 10 kg weights ..was really surprised that I could manage them seeing as though last time I picked up my weights was back in May but I did :)......Anyway am off now to do lower body...hope all is well in your world

Love Em xxxx

So far so good

Well after doing some real soul searching this past weekend and looking at the few pics that I have of me before I started this journey seems to have lifted me. I have come a long way.......sure I went backwards there for a while but that doesnt mean I have to be so down on myself so I am really confident that the journey has begun again. I have been looking through some WW recipe books that my neighbour lent me and wow there are some really nice recipes.....this has spurred me on also ...tonight I made a chicken and vegie pie has no pastry at all but still it is called a pie lol. It was absolutely scrumptious ..........exercise is going well if I get 60 mins in most days I will be over the moon with that.....30 mins I will be happy with also so am easing the pressure of the hrs I put on myself as far as exercising goes as well....next change is that I am not going to weigh myself on a regular basis...I figure that if I am exercing and eating well then all will be good at the end of the day...........so watch out world Em is back :).

Hope all is well......
Love Em xxxx

Remember Me

Hi Everyone

It was good to catch up on all your blogs....and hear all your news...seems like ages since I have been around, well it has been hasnt it...........want to know why ???? ok I hear you saying yes..well I have been so sick.....my sinuses really flared up I could have been a Jon English look alike 3 weeks ago plus I had a middle ear infection and was unable to walk without almost falling over for 3 days..in between I was managing a exercise/eating program seemed like I had a few good days where all was going well then I got sick.....managed to recover get back into it then sick again...trouble also with that was that I was starting to feel so damn down about it all...thoughts that I am never going to get back to where I was last April...bad habits crept in again as far as eating goes and now I am sitting here wondering if I will ever be the same girl I was 16 mths ago when I first started...she seems so long gone as far as my attitude is concerned and I want her back bigtime ( tears go away). Ahhhhh silly me so sorry for being like this atm....anyway also as you know I had computer problem a couple of months ago well I ended up having to buy a new tower so all should really be ok now.

I also lost a dear friend to cancer 2 weeks ago.............OK this isnt good am really emotional atm...if anyone has any ideas as to how I can get the old Em back please feel free to say...guess at the end of the day it has to be me that does it.

Ok hope you all have a lovely weekend.....

Take care
Love Em xxxxx

busy bee

Hello everyone

I havent gone missing or back to my old ways just havent had a computer for a couple of weeks is all ... but am back now.

I am really happy to report that I have lost 3.5 kgs and feel like my old determined..positive self and I am also walking something that I didnt do much of before and it is absolutely great to be out there in the fresh air instead of being inside exercising all the time. I still do my bike but atm that is it besides walking ....and I have a lovely yard here at the new house and am soooo enjoying gardening too..have a friend who works at a nursery and she has given me some great deals on some plants...so am really on top of my world atm:):).

My girls are all going well..shell is picking up so much work at the nursing home ..one doesnt get to see her much but she really loves it...Al is finally getting back to her old self after the operation ..we had a bit of drama after i went missing on here ..her wound opened up and just wouldnt heal and it turned out that she was allergic to the stitiches ..then her immune system was low and she picked up every bug that was here im sure but like I said is back to her old self now....loz is a mathematic genius according to her teacher lol and today she went to school as Lilo from Lilo n stitch for the book week parade .....black wig n all lol she looked wonderful......Ash is working atm so all is well :):).

Hope everyone is doing really welll...spring isnt too far away .......Yahhhhhhhh

Catch u all soon ..take care

Love Emxxxxx

Return

Hi all

Well I am back ...10 kgs heavier which isnt good hey .......no excuses just an overactive mouth and a lazy attitude.
So its back to loosing weight again.........been trying the past two weeks or so ...with a couple of good days and then the rest shocking but it definately has to be wake up time for me or else i will be back to where I was very very soon and I dont want that...so back to blogland.

I have been reading all your blogs.....not leaving comments though which isnt nice but am excited that you are all doing so well and I see there are a couple of bubs on the way too which is wonderful news.
I hope you will all pop in from time to time....as I really need some support....anyway will be around to comment as of Monday....have a great weekend

Love Em xxxxx

What a Week

Hi Everyone

I have had an awful week..come to think about it the last two and a half weeks have been ones I just want to forget. I know life dishes out some hurdles to all of us at times and I do believe what doesnt break us only makes us stronger but I dont want to have to be strong all the time...can anyone relate to this or is it just me feeling sorry for myself?.

Ok well tune out now if you like as the next few lines are going to be about the past week........

Last Wednesday my car decided to play up and ended up costing me $470 , then on Friday after I took Alea to the drs my daughter rings me on my mobile crying saying that our little dog was caught under the fence and was being attacked by other dogs....omg I didnt know what to expect but hurried home praying that it wouldnt be as bad as it sounded....thankfully my prayers were answered and poor tiger is a bit worse for wear to look at and is on antibiotics but Shell was able to free him before it was much worse.

Alea got a good report from the dr which was great and went back to school on Monday only to come home and burst into tears........... she didnt have a good day at school , firstly her Science teacher told her that she had that night to catch up on all the work she had missed as she was sick of kids having time off school, when Alea tried to explain to her why she was off she told her that was no excuse...next drama while she was away her timetable was changed and PE prac was on this day, now Al cant do PE, Sport, Dance or much at all until she sees her specialist on the 14th June so the PE teacher gives her a green card and tells her to go pick up rubbish in the playground..once again Al explains to a teacher who this time is prepared to listen but still insists she pick up rubbish which Al said no too(good for her). Next its her Dance teacher who at this stage isnt aware that Al cant participate in the festival which is in 2 weeks time anyway but who says to her that since she has been away the original dance has been changed and it would be best for her to quit as she doesnt feel she could learn it in time.............hows that for shattering ones self esteem!!!!!!!. Then when Al went to pick up her school photos she was told they didnt have them and to check that mum had paid for them...of course I paid for them , I then had to ring the company in Sydney and here it is Thursday and I am still waiting on a return call.

Tuesday I went to the school as you can imagine...I was just so mad.

Monday I found out I have to move , owner wants to renovate the house without us in it....just so wonderful to hear after being here for nearly 4 years.. I hate moving but has to be done so have been house hunting Tuesday and Wednesday and today got a call that I got the one we all wanted which is great but I still hate moving.Dear Mum reminded me this afternoon that if I had done things right a few years back I wouldnt have to worry about renting..thanx mum can always count on you NOT.....will not go into that with you as that is a SAGA in itself.

Anyway no exercise for the past 7 days no excuse.....eating hasnt been the best either.....water not good...fluid retention shocking and the scales saying now a 3 kg gain... I am feeling emotionally drained, cant really deal with this I dont feel until I now move and get settled.....is this sounding like a copout??

Anyway best go get some dinner happening..hope you are all well
Catch you all soon

Love Em xxxxx

So disgusted

Hi Everyone

Firstly I want to say a really big thankyou to everyone who sent well wishes to Alea..am happy to say that yesterday she was pretty well back to the old Alea we all know and love....appetite was back and today she is much better again so back to our dr on Friday to get the all clear and hopefully back to school on Monday .We have to go back and see the specialist in 3 weeks time but it all looks really good.

On the scales front.....I would rather just forget to post this but need to be accountable so here goes...I had a gain of 2kgs.I havent exercised for a week, made bad choices when it came to meals and my water intake was way down which isnt good for me especially as I retain fluid all too easily so some of this gain is fluid retention but I am not going to say the whole 2 kgs. Yesterday I managed to do 90 mins of exercise and my eating and water spot on, today eating n water is good exercise well 15 mins so far but will do more later this arvo...... I just seem to fall apart when my rountine is broken..anyway bottom line is I am really disgusted in myself but I am not going to dwell on this as I know what to do to turn it around.

It is getting soooooo cold here now and tonight I have to go pick shell up from work at 1 am .......oh I am not looking forward to this....just glad Ash is here to watch the littlies.

Hope everyone is well
Take care
Love Em xxxxx

Last few days

Hi Everyone

What a time we have all had especially Al.........this started on friday night when she complained of having a sore stomach which got worse so by the early hours of Saturday morning we were at emergency at the local hospital.Finally after about 5 hours we were seen and then after a couple more we were told she had a UTI and sent home with some antibiotics.Ok well Saturday afternoon she got worse, high temp, feverish, vomiting poor baby so back we went only to come home again.Saturday night she was restless and Sunday morning she was a little brighter with the pain being spasmatic now not continuous but much worse when it occured. We went back to the hospital about 12 because she had become much worse by this time and her temp was 40.5.They seen to her immediately which was great..no waiting and by this time her pathology report was back from Saturday and this showed no UTI at all so specialists were called and Appendicitis was what they all suspected. So to be absolutely sure the only option was an operation which was done at 4 pm, by this time though her appendix had burst.Soooo we have been in hospital since Sunday, Al was allowed to come home today as she has recovered really well, of course she is still very sore and has to have 2 weeks off school and cant do anything strenuous for at least 4 weeks but I am just so releived that she is fine and they operated in time...cant imagine what she would be like if they had waited until Sunday night or Monday morning especially seeing as though they had already burst.

I will try and catch up on everyone,s blogs over the next couple of days..hope you are all doing great guns.
Love Em

Turning it all around to GOAL

Hello Everyone

Tuesday's weigh in revealed a loss of 1.3 kg...so my determination and I guess above all my attitude paid off for the past week but I was still having serious doubts about the week ahead until this happened below.........

I want to thank Lee-Anne for her comments on my last post......you have really helped me so much since reading them and made me sit back and put this all into perspective again :) A big hug Lee-Anne. Thanx also to Suzie your continued support is wonderful :).

So after reading... and talking to my D/B who will always tell me what he thinks and not what I want to hear which is so great I have come to see hey I have lost over 53.8 kgs and to be happy with that ..sure I was happy but I mean HAPPY, PROUD, and I also have decided to declare GOAL. Now I know that by my drs scales I am still 1.2 kgs out but hey as my D/B pointed out to me that I dont weigh myself on my drs scales every week which is true so this is what has lead me to declare GOAL!!!!!!!!!.

I DIT IT .... The journey has taken a bit over 12 months, the road has been rocky, my girls , my D/B , my friends(in their own way lol) and you wonderful ladies have supported me....... which is something that I truly will always remember:):).
Dr Phil ..... you said something like this in 12 months time you will be heavier or lighter but you wont be the same..what do you choose to do....Guess I chose to be lighter :). ( definately note quoting Dr Phil here ). I did it excuse me am kinda excited here lol.

Anyway thanx once again :)... Ill definately be around as I will still need your support and friendship :). I hope every one has a wonderful mother's day on Sunday ( mums that is ) and take care

Love Em xxxxxxxxx

SOS

Hi All

I havent been around as my puter decided to die ..fan went in it but alls good now.
I weighed myself last Tuesday as promised and I had gained 1kg.... all I can say is that thursday, friday saturday and sunday were awful days...I ate until I made myself sick on Sunday..how damn stupid is that!!!. I have no idea why I did it, and on sunday night I was so scared of failure, had thoughts of what if I gain all this weight back..guess I lost all faith in myself.

Monday was day of reckoning for me........ I exercised and ate well as I have done now all week and I swear if I go off the rails this weekend I am going to write Emi is a fat pig everywhere...how awful is that. I know I will get to goal but am scared.. I find myself worrying about it all again..worrying about how I am going to survive winter.. I tell myself you started this journey this time last year, you have lost over 50 kgs, you surived winter so you can do it again........I just need to find that inner peace again where I dont think about this... ah I am probable making no sense here.

Hope you all have a great weekend

Love Em xx

SUNDAY UPDATE
I am feeling really good.......I survived a few temptations yesterday and stuck to my points and exercise as planned. Today has been reasonably good also no exercise as it is Sunday which is day off and all Ive had to eat from the norty bin is a few potato chips. I still have tonight to go but my daughter has made a low fat lasagne for dinner and really I am quite confident that I will survive and wont have to see that awful statement.

My heart goes out to Sophie Delezio and her family...this little girl has suffered so much already and to try and understand how this could happen to her is just too hard. My prayers are with this little girl and I am very thankful that my girls are healthy and outside playing at the moment. I remember my Grandad saying to my sister-in-law once when she was complaining about her son making a mess and being noisy..he said" its better to see him like this then between clean sheets" How true is that!!!!.
I also pray that they rescue the two miners very soon and thank God that they were both alive.

I hope everyone is having a good weekend
Em

Hello

HI Everyone

Just letting you all know I am still around....I havent weighed myself for 2 weeks now.....decided to take a break from the scales as I have been a bit down and out and didnt really want to deal with the scales.. this probably doesnt make a whole lot of sense and maybe I should face a gain or the same or even a loss but chose a break, will definately be back on the next Tuesday though.

I have been pretty good as far as eating goes.. a bit of a disaster at Easter and last Sunday but apart from that I have been a good girl. Exercise has been good too, am really concentrating on toning and did some measurements last Saturday to find that in 2 weeks I have lost 2.5 cms off my arms :)and losses everywhere else also .

I still have my four girls here which is great( most of the time lol) 4 girls in a small house need I explain any further. Shell got a job at a Nursing home here, she starts next Monday.. she is so excited and nervous at the moment you could bounce off her energy.
We have been to the movies twice and ten pin, went to the chinese festival Easter Saturday and this coming weekend we are all going to the Celtic Festival at Glen Innes so am really looking forward to that.

I hope everyone is well, it is certainly getting cold here now..will be around to read up on everyone's blog really soon.
Take care
Love Em xxxxxxx

Happy Easter

Hi Everyone

Well Tuesday has been and gone and no loss again for me......still needing to loose 1.5 kg to get to goal.

I have been really flat out these past few days ..helping out with Easter celebrations at Laura's school and being a taxi to Richelle .As you all know Shell came back here to live last Saturday so she has been really busy dropping her resume into all the employment agencies and going around all the nursing homes and hospital to seek out being able to do some volunteer work or gain employment. She graduated on Wednesday the 5th April and is so determined to find work in Nursing rather then just settle for any job which may come along which I do admire her for.

It is wonderful having her home .. when I went to pick her up last Saturday she said WOW Mum look at how much weight you have lost now....I was smiling as we hadnt seen each other since Jan and I was amazed at her as well since then she has lost 15 kgs herself bringing her down to 63 kgs which is so wonderful. Lol she didnt even mention to me on the phone that she was doing anything about her weight.

Ash is coming home for the holidays today so I will have my four girls here :):)...... and my d/b will be here tonight :):).

Well I'd best go .. not long until I have to go to the train station to get Ash :) .
I hope everyone has a Happy Easter..stay safe

Love Emixxxxxxxxx

No Loss

Hi All

Well it looks like I am going to have to be patient in loosing these last 1 .5 kgs as this week I had no loss at all. I am not too worried about it though.. they will disappear in all good time :).

I am so excited that Shell is coming home this weekend...... even if it means that I will have to fight for the bathroom lol.

I accomplished something for myself last weekend for which I am very proud and happy with.. I went and bought a full length mirror , one of those ones from homemart...I used to hate mirrors, avoid them like the plague.. looking back I am sure I used to do my hair with my eyes half shut and I never ever wanted to see myself in a full length mirror , just no way but those days are gone forever just like those days of constantly eating junk food, being a couch potato and hating not being able to do the things I used to or wanted to and this is why I dont feel upset about these last kgs... gosh my quality of life has improved way beyond these last kgs.

I hope everyone is well..will be coming to say hello very soon

Take care and have a great rest of the week
Love Em xxxxxxxx

Oh dear I seemed to have posted Richelle's birthday wishes twice..silly me

Daughter No 2 is 19

Hi Everyone

My Second Joy is 19 today...the girl so much like me its scary, anyway am so excited because she is coming home for good as of next weekend :):):):):).



Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday Richelleeeee
Happy Birthday to you

Love you sweetheart xxxxoooooo

Daughter No 2 is 19

Hi Everyone

My Second Joy is 19 today...the girl so much like me its scary, anyway am so excited because she is coming home for good as of next weekend :):):):):).



Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday Richelleeeee
Happy Birthday to you Love you sweetheart





Hope everyone had a great weekend..be back tomorrow with weigh in results
Love Em xxxx

300 grams

Hi Everyone

300 grams is my loss for this week...this is ok..Im actually quite surprised that I havent hit a plateau as yet.....mind you had 3 weeks where I gained due to my eating way out of control days..........will be curious to see what happens from now on in as I have decided as of today to cut back on my exercise...am aiming at doing weights every day upper n lower body alternate days, incorporating chuck into this as well plus some pilates as I really want to tone some areas a bit more so this should take about 40 mins approx , then do 30 mins of cardio everyday so a bit over an hour instead of the 2 1/2 hrs min that I have been doing. I am doing this from scratch as I have done from the very beginning.. so am hoping that what I am doing is going to tone me up a bit more:).

We all had a great weekend.... sat morning was spent cleaning the house , then sat afternoon I tried my hardest to create some space which just doesnt exist here.... will definately have some fun and games next weekend when we assemble Al's new bed and desk.... time to throw out some stuff Al lol. Saturday night we went to the local show..... free entry but boy were the rides expensive... didnt have a pluto pup see I was a good girl...ummmm ok I did have a bite of a pluto pup but it was a tiny bite as my mouth has shrunk :):) lol.

Sunday we went to my g/f's daughters birthday which was a afternoon at the movies... good idea really , we watched Zathura .. now this was a good movie indeed similar to Jumanji ( which I liked ) but in outa space..girls really enjoyed it as did Molly's friends from school.

Sitting here now it is so hot.. we are supposed to be getting a storm, does this mean RAIN...What is Rain ? something that we dont see very often here thats for sure:(.

Anyway hope everyone is well..have a great rest of this week

Love Em xxxx

Thursday News

Hello

Hope everyone is well...gees arent the weeks flying, nearly the weekend again:)
I want to thank everyone again for reading and commenting on here.... does mean so much to me, your support over the past 10 months has been awsome :).

Seeing as I am so close to my GOAL ....I have been reading back through the early days of my blog, reading back over my first book here at home which basically set out why I was beginning this weight loss journey and why I was determined that this time I was going to achieve. I had printed out all the replies that I had received from fellow WW on the old site when at times the road ahead just looked too far and daunting and I began to loose faith in myself and I pasted them into this book and have re read them so many times. Never in my wildest imagination would I have ever thought I could meet ( even though its the net)such wonderful, supportive ladies as yourselves, its truly amazing!!!!!!.

Anyway I will still be around long after I reach goal....... you arent getting rid of me that easy my friends lol.

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend if I dont get back.. this one for us is a pretty big one, we are off to the local show and a birthday party.... no pluto pups for Emi at the show....:) mm no I will be a good girl:)

Take care all
Love Em xxxx

Back again .......GRRRRRRRRR it seems I cant leave any comments on your blogs at the moment :( but I have read them all.. hopefully will be able to try again later :) cya

Me again

Hi Everyone

Hope you are all well, its been a week since I posted..slack I know :( but all in all its been a good week for me. My tigers however didnt have a good week , they got beaten so badly and a few injuries so its not looking good for the next few weeks... my d/b is a Knights supporter so you can imagine how happy he is at the moment..... yeah yeah yeah lol.

We went on a picnic last Sunday to Hanging Rock, the weather was nice not too hot and it was so great to be able to do so much with the girls... its times like these that you also realise just how far you have come. I wouldnt have played footy in public 10 mths ago .. there is just NO WAY and the thought of bushwalking omg too hard or if I did I would be so puffed after the smallest way but I rather enjoy it now.

Anyway weigh in results for this week a loss of 900 grams so I am getting closer......:) It is such a great feeling........

Hope you are all doing really well
Take care

Love Em xxxxx

Weigh in

Hi Everyone

Well I survived the weekend pretty good....firstly the big game on Friday night, sitting here watching my tigers beat St George ( sorry Tina lol) didnt eat any potato chips now this is an achievement in itself let me tell you as there were a few multi pkts in the cupboard. Saturday we went out for dinner for Al's birthday and I had crumbed cutlets.. yes I know there was so many nice healthy choices I could have made but hey I love crumbed cutlets so I had them, with gravy and vegies.... and when we got home I had a small piece of chocolate mudcake and it was small and I have to agree here with Tina I would normally have had more then that easily but am happy with having a small piece as anymore would make me feel ill.
Sunday was my g/f's engagement dinner held at an Italian restaurant so I just had a small dish of tomato based pasta, wasnt feeling that crash hot on Sunday , my sinuses ahhhhhhhhhhhhh. So wasnt too bad and my exercise well that finished on Wednesday and didnt start up again until yesterday but that is ok too.

After all that my loss this week was 600 grams so am really happy with that.

Is anyone having mixed feelings about the BL ..... I really dont know what to make of it lately lol.

Anyway hope all is well
Take care and Smile :)

Love Emxxxxxxx

Miss 11 is 12 Tomorrow

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday Aleaaaaaaaa
Happy Birthday to you
Love you xxxxxxx

My third angel is turning 12 tomorrow.


Hi Everyone
Hope everyone is well, as for me I have had sinus really bad these past 2 days, struggled big time with exercise yesterday so decided to give myself a few days off, or wait until I feel better as its no good pushing yourself when your sick is it?
I have a pretty big weekend coming up, we are going out for dinner tomorrow night for Al's birthday and then on Sunday I have been invited to go out for dinner for a g/f's engagement sooooooooo wish me luck here . I just hope I feel better.. Im sure I will though .
Ok well I hope you all have a great weekend... D/B just pulled up in my driveway so seeing as though I havent seen him in 2 weeks im out of here lol

Love Em xxxxxx


Back again

My tigers play tonight.......... the footy season has begun wooo hoooooooooooo

Happy Birthday Miss 20

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday dear Ashyyyyyyyy
Happy Birthday to you.





Love you kiddo xxxxxxxxxx

Hi All

Today is my daughters birthday.. she is 20 and so far away so am sending her lots of love and kisses and hugs .


OK weigh in results today were a loss of 900 grams ..so 3.1 TO GO TO GOAL.

Hope everyone is having a great day :)

Love Em xxx

Recap

Hi All

Just a recap on this last week.... my eating was great, exercise really good managed to do my plan everyday except Wednesday and Saturday but still managed to get 90 mins in on those days so alls good .
Feeling a little off today , we all seem to have some sort of tummy bug, the girls are fine today but mine is lingering on...... is more like having butterflies.. you know that feeling ?.

Weigh in day tomorrow..will see what it brings but seriously I am thinking here I have 4 more kgs to go then I will call it Goal.. thats in between my scales and the drs so thats a good result I think.

Hope everyone is well... have popped in on a few blogs , some of my blog buddies seem to have gone missing so have been reading a few new ones....so many inspirational women out here in blog land..even managed to get a few new ideas for breakfast and dinner so am excited about that lol.

Ok until tomorrow ..take care

Love Emxxxxxx

Weigh in

I got this from Suzie... thankyou :)

Hi Everyone

Just a short note to say hello and let you all know my results.

I am happy to say that I had a loss of 1.5 kgs , am really happy with the result. Hope everyone is doing really well, will catch up with you all soon.

Love Em xx

Great Weekend to top off a great week

Hi All

I am so happy to report that last week I managed to stick to my planned exercise every single day even Saturday so I am very proud of myself. I had a good week with my eating, which I must admit normally is really good during the week but does tend to go a bit off track of a weekend but hey I havent done too much damage with my little treats of potato chips in the past and I figure that I am well aware of what will happen if I go back to eating these all the time so I am AWARE which is one of the main things hey.

My wonderful guy surprised me with a visit on Friday...was so unexpected, no wonder I couldnt reach him on his land line early Friday morning lol. We took the girls on a picnic to Lake Keepit yesterday, was a fabulous day, the weather was just about perfect, the company more then perfect :):) all in all a absolutely wonderful day. Ahh though he had to go back last night for work today but it was just so great to see him, the girls adore him and he is so wonderful with them..anyway enough of that lol.

I am looking forward to the biggest looser tonight..wonder who they will vote off?.. I am going to go with Jo although part of me is saying Adro here..time will tell.

Hope everyone is having a great day.. until tomorrow's weigh in byeeeee

Love Em xxx

Welcome Back Attitude

Hi Everyone

You guys are so wonderful, I always know I can count on you all for support so once again thankyou :).

Ok well firstly , yes I had a gain, this was expected so no real shock here, damage done was 500 grams so I guess that wasnt too bad. That is all I am going to say about the past couple of weeks , they are over and done with and as of yesterday I am happy to say that my attitude has returned, my determination is on a high and last night when I finally hit the pillow I was feeling sore, tired but on top of the world........ and isnt that just the greatest feeling :).


My exercise program for the next 4 to 6 weeks will be

Mon to Fri

6am 30 mins bike, 30 mins rowing machine

12 midday 30 mins total gym ( alternate days of upper and lower body)
15 mins rowing machine, Floor exercises ( 15 mins roughly)

4.30 pm 30 mins bike, 30 mins rowing machine

Saturday

6am 30 mins bike, 30 mins rowing machine

12 midday Floor exercises ( 15 mins roughly)

4.30 30 mins bike , 30 mins stepper

Sunday
Rest day... although we normally go on a picnic, ten pin, walks etc.After this time I will cut back on the bike or rowing machine and work on the treadmill.

I am so glad I am back into exercise full swing, even though I have only been back a day and this morning, I can notice just how great I feel.

What about the biggest looser.. doesnt David look great!!!!!!!!!! I was sure Jo would go.....

Ok well hope everyone is well, am off now to catch up with you all

Take care
Love Emxxx

Confession

Hi All

I have a confession to make... I have eaten and eaten so much on Friday, Saturday and so far today...... there are no excuses for this. I have hardly been exercising these past two weeks and now that I have taken my eating to unbelivable heights it has come to the point where I am scared and have to sit back and take charge of my life again. Ask myself why the hell am I doing this when I am so close to my goal? I do know that I need to somehow ignore all the negativity that seems to be around me, apart from my girls, my d/b ( who is miles away ) my closest g/f who is in Sydney and my dear blog buddies (you guys) everyone else seems to be so against me... I am fed up with hearing you dont need to loose anymore weight, or you looked better bigger, or you have aged so much...... do you hear me I am sick of this and today I am taking a stand against this....the next person to say one negative thing is going to get a blast.......

The rest of today is going to be good as far as eating goes, tomorrow is going to be day 1 all over again as if it isnt the only person I will be hurting is ME!!! I have worked too hard to let it all come undone now, I need to go back and have a good long hard think about why I have been like this these past few weeks then accept it and move on. The only consolation if you can even call it that is I feel quite ill at present so my body is telling me, so I know there is no way I could go back to this way forever...... I guess I am just upset that I still havent learnt to not hurt myself when the going gets me down.

Thanx for listening

Em xxxxxxxx

Love...a itch you just cant scratch

Happy Valentines Day :):)

Weigh day for me.... happy to report a loss of 1.2 kgs this week..

I watched The Biggest Looser last night for the first time as I didnt see the American one and those 12 ppl are so wonderful... I wish them all the best and boyyyy could I relate to some of their feelings when they first got on those scales...... guess we all can relate in some way or another.

Hope you all have a lovely day.... lots of smiles, cuddles, kisses, etc, my girls came out to me this morning and said Happy Valentines Day Mum , we love you....:) bought tears to my eyes as thats what its all about isnt it?.

Love Em xxxx

Thankyou

Hi All

Firstly a big thankyou to all my blog buddies, your support is absolutlely awsome and means a great deal to me, more then I can express on here :).

Ok well here is an update on my week gone......... went back to tafe on Wednesday and no it isnt for me , I spoke to the career person at TAFE and have decided to follow my dream next yr and go for what I really want to do and that is Welfare. This is where my passion lies, so no more excuses I am just going to go for it. I have lived my life far too long as the BIG girl , have made excuses far too long based on my weight but now I cant use those excuses well wont be able to soon and even though it is important to follow your dreams/goals, I have realsied that to get to my goal weight is by far the first goal for me, then I will tackle the rest of my life...hope this makes sense.

I have been really good as far as my eating goes this past week , exercise however hasnt been what it normally is for me, only managed to do 4 hrs this past week so am not too sure what the scales will reveal tomorrow, in having said that though I just read Tina's post about housework/yard work and yeah I am the same I never think about all that as being exercise ..so maybe the scales will be kind :).

I went and had my hair cut today, feels so much better and next Monday I am going to get a tint and some foils.... have no idea what colours as yet, will discuss that next week..... butI am feeling adventurous again lol so gosh knows what I will end up with .

Well im out of here until tomorrow... enjoy the rest of your day and take care

Love Emxxxxxx

hurtful words

Hi Everyone

Hope you are all doing well..finally caught up with all your blogs.

I am really at a loss at the moment..... did weigh myself this morning as usual and had a loss of 2.1 kgs so I should be over the moon..guess I am but arent either.

My mum said some hurtful things to me on the weekend and guess I am struggling big time to deal with it all...... stuff like you look so old now, so sunkin in the face, you looked so much better before you lost this weight and you dont need to loose anymore weight, she kept going on about how I look so old now:(... I know I am 41 yrs of age and I am well aware of how my mother is and really to be honest it shouldn't upset me like it has..... I just dont understand why , guess I never will. It would be so nice to have her support but I guess thats not going to happen either :(

I went to Tafe yesterday, was a long day and the weather is still so hot here, I came away with a feeling that this course isnt for me...... wondering here if its because of how upset and alone I feel at the moment is the reason for this or whether this isnt for me. I feel so lost, I am so close to my goal , yet I feel like a failure,I feel sluggish, have lost interest in exercising,am very teary, gosh what am I doing here...... probably need a good kick up the behind hey.

OK well sorry for raving on here.. just needed to let it all out

Take care all

Love Emxxx

Howdy

Boy is it hot here....we had 42 here yesterday and today doesnt feel any less....omg will Autumn please hurry up and come.

Al absolutely loves High School... she has made a few new friends which is great and Loz is such a big girl now she is in Primary School lol.


Kinda getting really nervous about Monday and Tafe....... I guess I will worry about it all weekend then come Monday everything will be fine, its usually how it all works out hey. Exercise will definately be taking a back seat from now on, but thats ok I will still manage to get a hour at least in each day, will still get up to exercise at 6 and do my hour and it will depend on how smooth things run here when I get home as to whether I do anymore before dinner.

K well hope everyone has a great weekend , catch you soon

Love Emxxxxx

Back to School

Hello

I know its been a week since I last posted.... times just flies and these past 4 days have been awfully busy but I will catch up with everyone today.
Ahhh my cherubs went back to school today, its so quiet here atm lol. Miss 11 went into yr 7 , cant believe she is in high school now , she looked so grown up in her uniform and we had a bit of a personal struggle as to whether she should get her hair cut or not, her hair is very long she can almost sit on it when out but at the end of the day she decided not to and just had a trim, funny I can remember when I decided to get my long hair cut back in yr 9 some 26 yrs ago lol.Anyway off she went a bit nervous, stood close to me for a little while; will be a new adventure for her as all her friends have gone to a different school so new friends will be made.Looking at her today, wow where has all the time gone, she is nearly as tall as me and lucky for her she is the normal weight and she eats so much lol.

Miss 8 and my baby girl went into Primary School she was happy to go back to school, the holidays are a bit long . She didnt want to get her hair cut as in her words" dont you know I am growing my hair mum " all was fine when I explained that all we were having done was a trim. She is also very tall for her age, head and shoulders above most in her class and is a solid girl but our healthy eating is also helping her which is great.

The tigers game was awsome, they won 64/4 which was expected but it still was so kewl to see them play, can never miss an opportunity like that, got to meet some of the players again lol. The festival is over which means things here are back to normal and no more waiting 15 mins to use the toilet when down town.It is good though and I took the girls to the cavalcade on Saturday morning, then we all went to the buskers concert in the park, which was good.

I have been pretty good this past week, made fresh chicken rolls for the footy and took plenty of water, had a hotdog dont know why I had a hotdog as I dont really like them,but apart from that and 1 pkt of potato chips( cant go without those for too long hey) my eating has been good, exercise is good started a new workout plan as of yesterday as I am going back to Tafe next Monday to do Cert 111 in aged care, which means that for 3 days exercise isnt going to be as much as it has been so have had to think about it all and came up with the new plan.Wont go into detail as I have a sermon already here(sorry)but basically it means that Sat/Sun are going to become major exercise days.... I can make this work , I ve got to think positive here, I can go to Tafe, exercise, be there for my girls, do things of a weekend with the girls, housework, its going to be strange at first but we can make this work, scary going back to study..... wish me luck girls plssssssssssssssssssss.

Ok finally..... this week a loss of 500 grams :)

Hope everyone is well and things are good in blog land, am off now to catch up with you all
Love Em xxxxxxxxx

Off to see my tigersssss

Hello

Hope everyone is well........ thanx to everyone for your comments on my blog.... they make me smile .

Ok well firstly am happy to say that I had a loss of 500 grams,( a tub of margarine) so thats good ..... am really happy with that.
We all had a busy weekend, the festival is in full swing ....sooo many ppl,we went for a walk down Peel street on Saturday, sat and listened to some of the buskers , wow theres some talent there. Miss 8 wants to busk in Peel street, at the moment that apppears to be her dream , you gotta smile as she is so serious, who knows maybe one day soon she will, she certainly has the confidence to do it. We had a look at the stalls then had a nice lunch in the Park, followed by some shopping then home, settled back on Saturday night and watched The Dukes Of Hazzard. Did manage to get 90 mins of exercise in so that was ok.As long as I get my 2 1/2 hrs every day during the week I am happy.

I think we are movied out for the time being, went to see Narnia on Sunday morning, now I really enjoyed that, the girls loved it as did my D/B.

Now to my best news, well best news besides my loss today but it certainly is on par with that lol.. I am going to see my tigers on Friday night wooo hoooo am sooo excited as you all know well some of you know and some of you will soon enough.. I am a mad Wests Tigers fan. They are playing a match in Gunnedah against the N.S.W CRL Group 4 team so am really excited about going to see them. Gees we are the Premiers yaaa , that has a great ring about it :) :).

Ok well hope you all have a wonderful day.. will catch up with everyone during the day
Take care
Love Em xxxxxx

Feeling Flat

Hi All
Am feeling a tad flat today.. firsty my daughter went back to Newcastle this morning, we were all at the train station with tears in our eyes. The younger girls really get upset especially miss 8 she absolutely cries her heart out..... I decided to take them to see Chicken Little to cheer them up a bit, it worked and they liked that.

Only managed half hour on my bike this morning as I slept in....... mind you that isnt something that is the norm for me but when you have 2 dogs next door that continually bark all damn night cause their owners are away and your bedroom is at the back of the house,need I say that sleep is very much interupted. I havent done my normal 30 mins before lunch either as we were at the movies so its all up to me at least to do my hour this afternoon.......that way I will at least have 90 mins to show for Thursday.... I know I am a exercise nutter.

Hope all is well with you all....cya soon

Love Em

Tuesday.....out come the scales

Hi All

Weigh day today...result a loss of 2.2 kgs , am very pleased with that.
I have been back into exercising full on since I came back from Newcastle, I feel that I needed that week and a bit off from exercising as I was starting to feel like it was a chore which was kinda scary but now I am back to enjoying it, looking forward to it and wiser...

I had a nice weekend, went shopping with miss 11 and 8 on Saturday for their school stuff, saturday night was simple just watching dvds with the girls and a friend. Sunday I went to the new Wests Diggers club here for the first time, so nice and was so good to be able to sit back and relax with my D/B.

Miss 18 goes back to Newcastle on Thursday :(.... I am such a sook I know but I dont want her to go... have soooo much enjoyed having her home for the last month but I know she has to. I am not sure if miss 19 is coming back home next week for a few days or not... have to check in with her about that.......

Ok well best be off.....have a great day everyone..cya soon

Love Emxxxxxxxx

Hi Everyone



The heat has been awful these past few days..... we had a bit of rain again yesterday for an hr or so , then a bit last night but today is hot once again. There hasnt even been any relief of a night....even with the rain. Oh well no use complaining hey lol.

We all went to see Nanny McPhee yesterday, was enjoyable and I took my water and wasnt even tempted to buy a choc top.. now this is good I thought to myself so with a grin from ear to ear after not being tempted at the movies, we met up with a friend of mine for lunch. Lunch was good, had a prawn salad, resisted the garlic bread that was ordered by my friend, resisted the chips that miss 8 left on her plate gees thinking at this point in time how good am I lol but then came the cookies and cream cheesecake, Miss 11 and my friend sitting there eating this cheesecake, so I gave in and just had to try it, it looked so yummy even though I dont have a sweet tooth by any means as I am the potato chip queen remember lol anyway I had a small spoonful..... mmm niceeeeeee but was happy to just leave it at that......

The festival is about to begin here yet again, the campers are starting to roll in , the cowboys and cowgals are roaming around and no they dont tie their horses outside the pubs lol had to laugh when I was asked that by an american lady a few weeks back. This place comes alive at country music festival time, so busy, buskers everywhere, clubs open 24/7, I know I walked around with my mouth open the first yr we were here, was amazed. Anyway even if you dont like Country Music the festival is still definately an experience.

I am still doing my 2 1/2 hours of exercise , eating is going well, water is flowing lol so all is looking pretty rosey.Thanks to everyone who commented on my 40 kg loss.. is wonderful to have so much support and I have decided to keep drinking my water everyday but am going to make an appointment to see my dr , probably get one in 3 weeks time if I ring today, its hard to get a dr here let alone get an appointment in a hurry but theres no hurry with this just want to ask her.

Ok well hope everyone has a wonderful weekend.. take care
Love Emxxxx

Tuesday......Weigh in day

Hi All

Weighed in this morning and am over the moon :) I lost 1.3 kgs taking my total loss now to 40 .2 kgs woooohooooooooo and it is even TTOTM.

Sooooo I have 10 kgs to go before goal on my scales or 15 kgs to go if I use the weight I was when I went to the drs.... I guess the drs would be more accurate so I will see how I go.


Ok got a question for you all .. if you can help me ... I drink a minumum of 4 .5 litres of water everyday, some days like yesterday I drink 5/6 litres now my g/f tells me thats far too much water...sheesh I didnt know there was such a thing as too much water. Now also bear in mind that besides having a cup of green tea with every meal I do not drink anything else in the day... oh on the rare occasion I might have a pepsi max or diet solo but it is very rare. So am I drinking too much water.... I do retain fluid as a rule but its no worse from the water intake I have.

Ok much appreciated if anyone can help..... hope all is well

Love Em xxxx

Monday, Monday

Hi all

I am sooooo happy can you hear me singing...... Monday Monday so good to seee that I survived the whole weekend without a single chippeeeeeee haha
No seriously this was the first weekend in sooooo long that I didnt have a pkt of potato chips , they are my weakness but I made my goal for this month... no potato chips instead of say loosing 2 kgs etc.
I am really proud of myself, my first weekend without potato chips wooo hooooo.

The rain didnt come to anything much so the weather has been dry and hot.......

I am still doing my normal 2 1/2 hrs of exercise everyday and feel really good.. exercise definately agrees with me.

Well I hope everyone is having a lovely day... cya tomorrow as its weigh in day for me so am excited .. lets hope for the big 40 kg loss .

Take care
Love Emxxxxxxxx

feeling really good

Hi Everyone

Hope all is well with you .

I feel really good , back into exercising have done 2 1/2 hrs everyday since Tuesday, have been eating really really well and drinking lots of water and boy isnt my body thanking me for it.I havent even been tempted by potato chips and today I am sure the local supermarket knew I was coming as they had so many displays of potato chips but they didnt get to me lol.

We had a lovely day yesterday, we went to Lake Keepit for the day , my 18 yr old is still here and the younger ones really love having their older sister around as does mum :). We went swimming and I hired a canoe so the three girls had heaps of fun with that.The weather has been so hot and dry but thankfully there is rain here atm so that is wonderful.

I have decided to stick to counting points.. I figure that so far it has worked for me so why change it.
Ok well I hope you are all enjoying your weekend..
Love Em xxxxxxxxxx

Happy New Year Everyone

Hi All

Well I am back home and yes we all had a wonderful Christmas and New Year. It was so good to catch up with my family...some hadnt seen me since june so they really noticed a difference which was great..still get a laugh when I think about some of the comments made .. oh well thats brothers for you . Newcastle changes everytime I go home I am sure of it and the humidity knocked us a bit especially last Sunday it was a killer. We really enjoyed going to the beach..especially Al and Loz, they had so much fun...aww we all miss the beach.
I went out for the New year with some old friends.. had a great night, dancing and singing only thing is it went to quick but it is nice to be back home.

Ok now I had to face the scales this morning really had myself convinced that I had done major damage... not due to the fact of overeating endlessly just the fact I hadnt exercised and mum is still such a shocker when it comes to cooking and I didnt really plan well with taking my " Diet food" lol mums words exactly with me. Anyway the damage was 1 kg which was such a relief... yes I know I should be over my 40 kgs by now but alas I am 38.9 kgs down and Back on track today with my exercise and eating . I promised myself I wouldnt beat myself up over this so am pleased to say I have kept that promise to myself :-).
I am not sure about the no count program.. really have to read a bit more into it for the moment before I decide which way to go although it seems to be working really well for a few ppl.

Well I am off now.. was so good to read everyones blogs and catch up and I really am looking forward to keeping in touch with everyone in 2006....

Take care

Love Emxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Merry Christmas(20th Dec)

Hi Everyone

Well Christmas is only a few days away .. hope everyone is all organised.

Weigh in day for me and I needed to loose 1.1 kgs to take my total loss to 40 kg.... well I didnt make the 40 kg loss:-( lost 1 kg making my loss 39.9...Can you believe it so close but so far...ahh well doesnt matter.... keep telling myself this as I am a little bit disappointed.. I guess thats silly but I just wanted to be able to say 40 kgs gone for good.

Ok well I wont be back here until the New year..... so I take this opportunity to wish you all a very Merry Christmas. I hope you all have a wonderful time with family and friends .

Lots of Love

Em xxxxxxxxxxx

38.9 ( 13th dec)

Howdy everyone

Hope everyone is well and staying positive.... is such a busy time of the year but I love Christmas....so exciting.
We went and had a look at some of the decorated houses ... some ppl go to so much effort..... must admit our house looks quite good too.

We went to Carols in the Park last Sunday..... sang our hearts out.

Survived my birthday pretty good... had a piece of cake but basically just watched what I ate and all was good. Hopped on the scales this morning and had lost 1.1 kg which was good seeing as though I gave myself Friday off from exercise and did the bare minimum on the weekend. I cant believe that I have nearly lost 40 kgs... really do hope that next week the scales will register that 1.1 loss needed to make 40 kgs but if they dont alls good .

Ok well take care everyone and enjoy your week..

Happy Birthday to me

Hi everyone

I have had so much trouble trying to read all your blogs this week.. has been very annoying.

Ok today is my birthday....sweet 41:-). My 19 yr old is coming home so at least I will have 3 of my girls here... would have been so wonderful to have the 4 but these things cant be helped. She did ring me early and sing happy birthday to me so was happy about that. My D/B bought me a gold bracelet sooo beautiful and the 2 littlies bought me a watch and perfume so I was a very lucky girl.

I lost 1.8 kgs when I weighed myself on Tuesday... taking my total loss now to 37.8 kgs gone for good. I am hoping and have set myself a mini goal to have lost 40 kgs by Christmas..... hope I can achieve this.

Ok well I hope everyone has a great weekend ..... take care

Love Emxxxxxxx

Mixed Bag Today(Friday)

Hi Everyone

Firstly I want to say that I have read some amazing blogs this morning.. truly inspirational women....women who have made me sit up and have a long hard think. I have been rather sluggish the past 2 days .. I have stuck to my points and exercised but there just hasnt been that oomphhhhh behind it. I have lied in bed and thought oh I dont feel good... or it wouldnt matter if I missed this mornings exercising when in all honesty there wasnt anything wrong with me just seemed to be searching for an excuse not to go exercise. I know above all that I need to exercise so after reading these blogs I have decided to get my act together and go find that oomph!!!!!!!!!!(ATTITUDE).

I made this yummy vegetable slice last night.... the original recipe (Asparagus and Ham slice) came from Annette Sym's Cookbook but I didnt use Ham instead I used carrott and peas.... girls loved it too.

I had Al's Yr 7 Orientation Day yesterday cant believe Al is off to High School next year only seems like yesterday I was leaving her in Kindergarten. Looking back over these past few years and what we as a family have endured and overcome to get to where we all are today brings tears and a smile to my face. I know what it is like to overcome hurdles.. to survive when you somehow dont know how that is going to happen and if there really is such a thing as a rainbow at the end but there is and that is how I know that I will get to my goal... this is what makes me continue no matter what hurdle appears. I know Im sort of rambling here but I need to see this for myself.. be able to go back and read over this the next few weeks as it is pretty scary for me thinking about my birthday dinner, miss 7's birthday, Christmas parties, Christmas and New Year all scary times when food and drink are going to be in plenty... ohhh but I know what I have to do, I have worked to hard and come to far to stop so continue I will regardless. If I eat or drink a bit too much I am not going to beat myself up about it (am I em !!!!) I will move on and make the next day count and so on and so on. Ok well there you go its in my mind nice and clear for now and here for future reference.

Hope everyone has a great weekend.
Take care
Love Emxxxx

Still Here

Hi Everyone

Well its Tuesday .. weigh in day and this week I am happy to say that I lost 900 grams :-). It is so great to see the scales go down a little more each week and I am finding myself doing little cheers and jumps and eyeing myself off in windows and mirrors omg am I becoming vein lol

Ok news on my g/f, she had the operation last week and they got all the tumour and the outlook for her is very good. This is such a relief, am extremely happy for her and her kids goes without saying hey.

We all had a busy weekend, Christmas shopping, birthday party( wasnt a really good girl) but the scales were kind, must be the exercise I do which helps with this. We put up the Christmas tree , looks beautiful, and the window decorations and this weekend some friends are coming over to help with the outside decorations.

The weather wasnt really good here last weekend, Saturday was a stinking hot day, then storms and wild winds Sat night followed by a windy wet Sunday which turned cold . The last two nights and mornings have been quite cold and today it looks as rain isnt too far away again. I mowed the front and back yard this morning .. left my new phone inside.. good idea hey lol.

Ok well hope everyone is having a great week...

Cya Em xxx

PS ( Is definately Tuesday 2 46 pm ... cant change my date etc )

Weigh in day again

Hi

Just a quick hello to let you all know that this week I lost 400 grams.......

I did my rowing again today ... gees its hard but I will get there.... I am determined.

Hope everyone is doing well and enjoying their week

Take care

Em xxxx

Change of Exercise

Hi Everyone

Hope you all had a great weekend... the girls and I did. On Saturday we went shopping bought some Christmas pressies, got some really good bargains esp for my older girls which is always a good thing. Yesterday we went to Apsley Falls at Walcha, we had a picnic then we went for a walk around the falls, so peaceful and beautiful, Al actually said to me to slow down as she couldnt keep up lol ... now that is a good thing to hear.


Did my measurements on Sat .... my total loss now is 148.5 cms and I ve lost the most off my hips woo hooooo am excited about that as my hips have always been so much bigger then the rest of me . I really think those exercises I ve been doing from the hip and thigh diet are working or it could be just a combination of everything.
Today however I have changed my exercise program... now I will be doing 30 mins on my bike,treadmill,air walker(yay a friend was able to fix that for me) and stepper taking that to a daily total of 2 hrs. Then I will do my arm weights every second day for 20 mins, the days I dont do my arm weights I will do a variety of exercises for 20 mins and finally I have converted my total gym into a rowing machine so will try and I do mean try to do 15 mins a day on that. This morning I found it difficult but I guess like all new things will take time as I can clearly remember how hard I found the stepper and treadmill to begin with. I will see how this goes for a few weeks plus I want to go for a few walks with the girls:-).

Ok well bye for now... take care

Love Emixx

Feeling better

Hi everyone

Firstly I want to say thank you to Suzie and Karen for caring..... your words mean a lot thankyou once again :-).

I am feeling better, my g/f is home at the moment as they cant do the operation just yet due to machine failure so they sent her home for the time being. I am so amazed at just how much inner strength my g/f has and even my g/f that had breast cancer and lost a breast has.... they are truly wonderful ppl.

I have been good with eating after Sunday.. omg what a day that was am still kinda annoyed at myself but it happened and I cant alter that so all I could do was move ahead and get back on track Monday which I did. I am still doing my 2 1/2 hrs of exercise everyday as it really helps my mind as well as my body.

Al had a wonderful time in Canberra ..so good to have her home though :-).

Finally yesterday was weigh in day for me .. doesnt it come around quickly .. anyway I lost 500 grams ( 1 of suzies tubs of margarine/butter lol) so gotta be happy with that.

Hope everyone is well and enjoying their week..will try and catch up with all your blogs real soon.


Take care
Love Emixx

so sad

Hi

I am feeling so many emotions here atm...anger, sadness, scared, annoyed u name it I am feeling it. I received some awful news yesterday morning my g/f in Newcastle has been diagnosed with a brain tumour and the drs dont give much hope. She is currently in hospital awaiting more tests which are to be done tomorrow. I feel so sad, so angry as she has 4 kids why why why ? I am a believer, I do have my faith but its times like this that I just struggle to understand.
Once again though this isnt about me so how dare I eat bad foods, foods that I know I shouldnt eat, that I know I dont want to eat, that I know I dont even enjoy so why do I do it? Why do I hurt myself, I thought I had overcome this but apparently not. I am trying so hard to come to terms with this.. just doesnt seem real.

Ahh sorry about this negative entry... hope everyone is doing really well and enjoying their weekend. Emi

Silly Me

Hello again

I forgot to tell you all how much weight I lost this week..silly me. I lost 1.7 kgs so am really really happy with that:-).

I know I am still cursing myself for mowing my phone....

Take care

Love Emixx

Weigh Day

Howdy

Woke up this morning feeling a lot better , had a good nights sleep for a change ( doesnt that make a world of difference to begin with). I think a combination of having that virus last week and lack of sleep from that and then my worry about Al's trip had just made me a mess. I didnt exercise Saturday, Sunday or yesterday so that wouldnt have helped my cause either.... for me exercise just boosts me so much. Its funny you know just reading that last bit a few months ago I wouldnt have known that gawd what was exercise other then housework and walking around the shops.
Im still worried about Al but not to the extent of yesterday.. just hope and pray they will all be safe. It is so scary when you think about it, all those ppl arrested in Sydney and Melbourne last night apparently there being a real threat of an attack... wonder when it will all end if ever hey.

I mowed my lawn this morning and also my mobile phone :-( Cant believe that happened but the proof is sitting out the back on the garbage. I diverted my phone to my mobile and it must have fell out of my pocket and of course I didnt realise this until it was too late.So guess I will be looking to buy a new one damn!!!!.

Ok well I am off to do some ironing.........

Hope everyone is having a lovely day

Love Emixxx

Monday

Hi Everyone

Sometimes I really think I am loosing the plot........
Miss 11 left this morning on a school excursion to Canberra , she was all excited but said she would miss me and her little sister( of course) and all I could do was cry. I was able to hold back the tears until she got on the bus which was good as she would have got upset if she had seen them. I had a bad weekend, tears as I didnt want her to go. I am such a worry wart and all I can think of is these bloody terrorists and just wanted to keep her with me. I know I had to let her go though as it is a wonderful experience for her, just got to pray she and all the rest of the kids and teachers will be ok. I really am loosing the plot.... didnt see any other parents with tears, wonder if any other parent has had thoughts like mine? I know Al's friends parents are fine with it all.......Friday hurry up and come please , its going to be a hard week for L and I without Al :-(


Hope all is well with you all

Love Emixx

mixed emotions

Hi everyone

Weigh in day for me yesterday...I lost 700 grams this week.

I should be over the moon but for some reason I'm not......... am feeling a bit emotional atm.. on the verge of tears and to cap it off have been sick with some sort of virus which consists of massive headaches. I have been so sick Monday and yesterday that I couldnt exercise which makes me feel bad... I just seem to be so different when I exercise ...so on top of my world. Im guessing that the combination of being sick and not exercising has just bought me down .

I hope everyone is doing well :-)

Love Emixx