Hi All
I just finished reading another blog...just a blog like all other blogs but in this blog a girl decided to unleash a secret..a secret that she had carried for a long time and now the future and the present is a whole lot brighter for this girl..this girl is now living.
Isnt that what life is all about ..living ..if I continue to think my world is ok, will be ok without really dealing with all my secrets then all im doing is merely surviving.
My world is a whole lot better than it has been in the past but its time for me to see a professional. I cant deal with everything that has happened in the past few weeks on my own anymore as to do that I am not being fare to my girls, my fiancee and certainly not to myself......am not embarrassed or ashamed to say I have seen a Psychologist before......surviving a very abusive relationship and finally having enough courage to leave even tho self esteem isnt in the vocabulary at this time.Seeing her made me discover that I am strong, the strength has always been there just hidden, it helped me to deal with what had happened, to move on, learn that to hate and carry anger towards him only gives him a degree of control over me still. I learnt to forgive him not so he could sleep at night but so I could..by seeing her I was able to in time meet my current man who is now my fiancee and have the strong relationship that we have today.
Anyway the past week has erupted more than I can deal with... not only finding out about the lies from a so called friend..yesterday I feel I lost my eldest daughter..... she has been lying also and has never stopped seeing or contacting her b/f. She had the charges dropped and somehow he escaped rehab,will never know the true story as she is the only one who can fill in the gaps and yesterday she told me she didnt need me and to never contact her again.There was a ring of I mean it this time to her voice, a coldness that I have never felt before . It has caused a wedge between my family, my parents, my brothers , family who dont seem to understand the concept of the word family
I am a survivor.......never a victim .......... but to be able to live and not just merely survive, the time has come to seek help again. I cannot loose this weight, be totally happy and alive successfully until I deal with all the hidden secrets, thoughts and feelings.
I am still going away, if my family dont want us there thats their choice, I will be staying with a friend , the younger ones and I will have a great time , even my fiancee will be joining us on Saturday........need a hug from him sometimes distance just sux.
Thanx to all who read this, sorry for being such a downer as far as blogs go recently but from now on there is the real hope that the future will be brighter.
Cya all when I get back ........
Take care
Luv Em xxxxxxxxxxx
UPDATE..... How wise are Children ? My 10 year old came out of her room and said Mum I want you to listen to this song, I know you will like it...she then began to play "one step forward " by HI -5......... it goes like this
" Don't be afraid to try something new..
Don't stop yourself from being you
If you cant do it this way
Then try another way
And keep on saying I can do
Dare yourself to jump up high
Take your feet off the ground
And reach for the sky
One step forward dont look back,
It won't take long till you're on that track
If you need a little help then I'm here for you
Keep on trying and you''ll get through. "
Gawd I love this kid :) just times like this reinforces the known hey
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
No Movement
Weighed myself today...no movement , stayed the same,I am not surprised.... since finding out about the biggest conman I have ever come across, my water intake has dropped dramatically. Yesterday I was so scared of eating and eating, altho I did turn a little to comfort food I was able to stop before any damage was done.
I will be damned if he is going to make me go back to old ways.
As for any sort of remorse Lee-Anne nope dont think so, he just virtually tried to lie his way out of it and even tried to insult my intelligence by saying I misunderstood him........yeah rite misunderstood him my ass.
I had asked him if he would be a character reference on my resume he said yes no problems put me down as a clinical psychologist...now he is saying he didnt say to do that....am over him will never contact him again as its a waste of time....he wouldnt know the truth if it fell over him .
Thanx Chris for such a quick comment..really helped a lot hugssssssss.
If anyone reads this and is scratching their head the previous post will explain it all.
Cant wait until Thursday am off on holidays for a week ...........relaxing, beaches, shopping, what more can a girl want hey :)
Will be around before I leave
Em xxx
I will be damned if he is going to make me go back to old ways.
As for any sort of remorse Lee-Anne nope dont think so, he just virtually tried to lie his way out of it and even tried to insult my intelligence by saying I misunderstood him........yeah rite misunderstood him my ass.
I had asked him if he would be a character reference on my resume he said yes no problems put me down as a clinical psychologist...now he is saying he didnt say to do that....am over him will never contact him again as its a waste of time....he wouldnt know the truth if it fell over him .
Thanx Chris for such a quick comment..really helped a lot hugssssssss.
If anyone reads this and is scratching their head the previous post will explain it all.
Cant wait until Thursday am off on holidays for a week ...........relaxing, beaches, shopping, what more can a girl want hey :)
Will be around before I leave
Em xxx
Monday, January 14, 2008
Am I a Fool or what ?
Did you ever think you had a friend then find out that the whole friendship has been based on lies?
I did........I thought I had a friend, I thought he was a psychologist well he introduced himself as one to me and my family 15 mths ago......he was there for us at times and I really sought out his profession at times esp with TAFE and my crazy world . I found out by accident a few days ago that he isnt a psychologist at all .....NOPE , he just chose to say he was and pretend to listen and give options, said he was here for all of us. He lied about his profession, where he worked almost everything this man has said over the past 15 months has been lies.He made himself available to me as a friend but also as a psychologist someone who knew what he was doing and saying.I feel he has played with my mind, the impact of it all hitting me today........why.... what did he have to gain? I finally got him on the phone to see if he could tell me why he lied, his answer I dont know really was something that just got out of hand......... how fucking lovely is that.
Do I now need to seek out proof that everyone is who they say they are.......??? Do I loose faith in people in general ??
I feel like the biggest fool out...........
Please dont let me turn to food to get through this ...........HELP ............
I did........I thought I had a friend, I thought he was a psychologist well he introduced himself as one to me and my family 15 mths ago......he was there for us at times and I really sought out his profession at times esp with TAFE and my crazy world . I found out by accident a few days ago that he isnt a psychologist at all .....NOPE , he just chose to say he was and pretend to listen and give options, said he was here for all of us. He lied about his profession, where he worked almost everything this man has said over the past 15 months has been lies.He made himself available to me as a friend but also as a psychologist someone who knew what he was doing and saying.I feel he has played with my mind, the impact of it all hitting me today........why.... what did he have to gain? I finally got him on the phone to see if he could tell me why he lied, his answer I dont know really was something that just got out of hand......... how fucking lovely is that.
Do I now need to seek out proof that everyone is who they say they are.......??? Do I loose faith in people in general ??
I feel like the biggest fool out...........
Please dont let me turn to food to get through this ...........HELP ............
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
there might be something in this after all
Hello all
Over the past couple of weeks I have been talking to some "experts " and doing a bit of reading, taking a bit from here and a bit from there and working on a plan for me and you know what I really think this could be the way for me. This week showed a loss of 2 kgs........I am not hungry, my fluid retention is much better, I have a lot more energy, am sleeping better, not doing much in the way of exercise and yet the kilos are dropping off.......and I am loosing it all over .......... so am definately going to continue what I am doing :)
I put my two bigger girls on the train this morning...one has gone back home , the other one for 2 weeks holidays .......ahhhhhhhhh am really looking forward to just the three of us for a week.
We are going on holidays next thursday, will be gone for 10 days........am really looking forward to the break away from here also.....be great to catch up with family and friends...didnt go back home much last year as tafe just seemed to consume me.
I have appplied for a few jobs, always have the offer from work placement to fall back on if I dont get a job so hopefully there will be some good news in that department too.
The hot weather has hit us again, cant really complain has been a pretty mild summer so far compared to the past few years.....just been doing things with the girls like movies ,ten pin, not a great deal to do here..this place absolutely sucks for things to do, never mind will be on the coast for good before we know it .
Hope all is good in your worlds.........be around to say hi very soon
Love Em xx
Over the past couple of weeks I have been talking to some "experts " and doing a bit of reading, taking a bit from here and a bit from there and working on a plan for me and you know what I really think this could be the way for me. This week showed a loss of 2 kgs........I am not hungry, my fluid retention is much better, I have a lot more energy, am sleeping better, not doing much in the way of exercise and yet the kilos are dropping off.......and I am loosing it all over .......... so am definately going to continue what I am doing :)
I put my two bigger girls on the train this morning...one has gone back home , the other one for 2 weeks holidays .......ahhhhhhhhh am really looking forward to just the three of us for a week.
We are going on holidays next thursday, will be gone for 10 days........am really looking forward to the break away from here also.....be great to catch up with family and friends...didnt go back home much last year as tafe just seemed to consume me.
I have appplied for a few jobs, always have the offer from work placement to fall back on if I dont get a job so hopefully there will be some good news in that department too.
The hot weather has hit us again, cant really complain has been a pretty mild summer so far compared to the past few years.....just been doing things with the girls like movies ,ten pin, not a great deal to do here..this place absolutely sucks for things to do, never mind will be on the coast for good before we know it .
Hope all is good in your worlds.........be around to say hi very soon
Love Em xx
Thursday, January 03, 2008
Happy New Year
Wishing you and your families all the best in 2008....may this year be the year for all of us in every aspect of our lives.
New year brings new beginnings and I am really feeling confident that this year I will get back to my goal weight..........I survived Christmas and the New Year in pretty good shape...didnt weigh myself last week so this week I had a 2.5 kg loss ...really think the water intake is working for me and I guess its like everything else when your on a good thing and something is working for you than stick to it....also cutting out and back on carbs such as bread and potato is really working for me too.......
I love my girls dearly but boy oh boy the two bigger ones well I am so over them.....they continually look to blame me for what is happening in their lives...they just cant see that it is their life ,their responsiblity as to how they live it and the decisions they make...sure the past wasnt so great at times but gees why make the present and future the bloody same...... at times I feel like I have to answer to them in almost everything I do ..awful thing to say here but I really wish the one that is living here would move out (awful mum hey )...as I said love them dearly but at times I dislike them totally.
I hope you all had a lovely Christmas and New Year and I really am looking forward to sharing your journey again this year ....health, happiness and weight loss to all :)
Em xxx
New year brings new beginnings and I am really feeling confident that this year I will get back to my goal weight..........I survived Christmas and the New Year in pretty good shape...didnt weigh myself last week so this week I had a 2.5 kg loss ...really think the water intake is working for me and I guess its like everything else when your on a good thing and something is working for you than stick to it....also cutting out and back on carbs such as bread and potato is really working for me too.......
I love my girls dearly but boy oh boy the two bigger ones well I am so over them.....they continually look to blame me for what is happening in their lives...they just cant see that it is their life ,their responsiblity as to how they live it and the decisions they make...sure the past wasnt so great at times but gees why make the present and future the bloody same...... at times I feel like I have to answer to them in almost everything I do ..awful thing to say here but I really wish the one that is living here would move out (awful mum hey )...as I said love them dearly but at times I dislike them totally.
I hope you all had a lovely Christmas and New Year and I really am looking forward to sharing your journey again this year ....health, happiness and weight loss to all :)
Em xxx
Monday, December 24, 2007
MERRY CHRISTMAS
Wishing all my blog buddies and their families a wonderful Christmas..
Love Em and family xoxoxoxoxox
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Week 2 here we go
Hey all
Week 1 was a huge success........ managed to stick to my plan for a whole week including the weekend and two birthdays so I am feeling really good in myself...have been drinking 4 1/2 litres of water and it has made a huge difference for me.......along with cutting back on carbs and the result for my first week is a loss of 4.8 kgs.
I will definately be watching myself very carefully this week tho as I know from past experience that the first week back always shows a bigger loss due to fluid loss but in having said that I do think 4 .8 kgs is definately something to smile about :).
My world has been pretty busy with birthdays...was my fiancee's ( mmm still getting used to that word ....mmm) birthday last Friday , I cooked a nice dinner and bought him a cake from the cheesecake shop ( his favourite)....was pretty laid back but nice all the same.
Yesterday was my baby's 10th Birthday ..... she invited two of her friends and we all went out for dinner ....... was very nice ...I had a warm chicken salad with honey mustard dressing.....and water of course then we came home for yet another cake ...I had the smallest piece of cake wasnt much of a temptation really as i was so full from dinner.
D/F has gone back to the coast this morning... has to tidy things up at work and organise his house (he lets his brother and his family stay there for two weeks over Christmas as they live in SA) wont see him again now until Saturday but then we get to keep him for 2 and 1/2 weeks :):) .
My eldest daughter is coming home tomorrow for a few weeks ....will be so good to have her home for a while where i can see for myself how she really is instead of hearing over the phone" I am ok mum " she has been through so much with having the miscarriage and dealing with all the court stuff anyways be nice to have her home and give her a cuddle .
OK well id best get moving ... have a great day
Em xxxxx
Week 1 was a huge success........ managed to stick to my plan for a whole week including the weekend and two birthdays so I am feeling really good in myself...have been drinking 4 1/2 litres of water and it has made a huge difference for me.......along with cutting back on carbs and the result for my first week is a loss of 4.8 kgs.
I will definately be watching myself very carefully this week tho as I know from past experience that the first week back always shows a bigger loss due to fluid loss but in having said that I do think 4 .8 kgs is definately something to smile about :).
My world has been pretty busy with birthdays...was my fiancee's ( mmm still getting used to that word ....mmm) birthday last Friday , I cooked a nice dinner and bought him a cake from the cheesecake shop ( his favourite)....was pretty laid back but nice all the same.
Yesterday was my baby's 10th Birthday ..... she invited two of her friends and we all went out for dinner ....... was very nice ...I had a warm chicken salad with honey mustard dressing.....and water of course then we came home for yet another cake ...I had the smallest piece of cake wasnt much of a temptation really as i was so full from dinner.
D/F has gone back to the coast this morning... has to tidy things up at work and organise his house (he lets his brother and his family stay there for two weeks over Christmas as they live in SA) wont see him again now until Saturday but then we get to keep him for 2 and 1/2 weeks :):) .
My eldest daughter is coming home tomorrow for a few weeks ....will be so good to have her home for a while where i can see for myself how she really is instead of hearing over the phone" I am ok mum " she has been through so much with having the miscarriage and dealing with all the court stuff anyways be nice to have her home and give her a cuddle .
OK well id best get moving ... have a great day
Em xxxxx
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Water , water, water
Hi All
Day 3 and am feeling really , really wonderful ...not cocky just wonderful , have so much more energy and ooomph .
I was talking to a "expert " so to speak about my fluid retention and was told that for every 25 kgs you should be drinking 1 litre of water.....I thought omg I am way under ..anyways have been drinking my quota for 3 days now and so far so good only thing is the loo has become my new home :) ...have also cut back on carbs and like I said am feeling really awsum.
Exercise has been very limited mainly walking ..plan is to get back into the swing of that next week ..just felt that I needed to control my eating first instead of trying to do two things at once..........hurdle for me in the past has been that when I exercise I am on top of my world and food isnt an issue..dont exercise well then food is an issue.... so am teaching myself that food isnt an issue with or without exercise.......:)
Thanx to all who have been so kind really means a lot to me having your support .........
xxxx Em
Day 3 and am feeling really , really wonderful ...not cocky just wonderful , have so much more energy and ooomph .
I was talking to a "expert " so to speak about my fluid retention and was told that for every 25 kgs you should be drinking 1 litre of water.....I thought omg I am way under ..anyways have been drinking my quota for 3 days now and so far so good only thing is the loo has become my new home :) ...have also cut back on carbs and like I said am feeling really awsum.
Exercise has been very limited mainly walking ..plan is to get back into the swing of that next week ..just felt that I needed to control my eating first instead of trying to do two things at once..........hurdle for me in the past has been that when I exercise I am on top of my world and food isnt an issue..dont exercise well then food is an issue.... so am teaching myself that food isnt an issue with or without exercise.......:)
Thanx to all who have been so kind really means a lot to me having your support .........
xxxx Em
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Just what I needed
Hello
All I have done this morning is cry...cry..ahhh well crying is ok and I feel is just what I needed.....am over the moon about being engaged but deep down I knew that still my weight is an issue for me......so I jumped on the scales not prepared for what they revealed but must face reality and say I am now 110 kgs.............a hell of a lot of weight to cry about .........so out came all the emotions , the blame, the hating myself, the wonder why my guy would have asked me to marry him as all I am is fat and ugly.....I feel like a mix master is inside me........... so there is the story behind the morning of tears....... I went back to day 1 of my blog and have just re read all my entries ...gathered some points here and there, laughed and cried some more.....and am now ready to start this journey all over again............
For however long it takes ....I am going to try and blog more regularly and have also decided to draw on past entries for inspiration, will post a past entry from time to time in no specific order What better time to start then now
Blog entry 2005
I had Al's Y7 orientation day yesterday cant believe Al is off to high school next year only seems like yesterday I was leaving her in kindergarten.Looking back over these past years and what we as a family have endured and overcome to get where we all are today brings tears and a smile to my face. I know what it is like to overcome hurdles, to survive when you somehow dont know how that is going to happen and if there really is such a thing as a rainbow at the end but there is and that is how I know that I will get to my goal ...this is what will make me continue no matter what hurdle appears. I know I am sort of rambling here but I need to see this for myself...be able to go back and read over this during the next few week
Time to start this journey again...........time to wipe away the tears......... hugs to you all :)
You can bend but never break me
'Cause it only serves to make me
More determined to achieve my final goal
And I come back even stronger
Not a novice any longer
'Cause you've deepened the conviction in my soul
All I have done this morning is cry...cry..ahhh well crying is ok and I feel is just what I needed.....am over the moon about being engaged but deep down I knew that still my weight is an issue for me......so I jumped on the scales not prepared for what they revealed but must face reality and say I am now 110 kgs.............a hell of a lot of weight to cry about .........so out came all the emotions , the blame, the hating myself, the wonder why my guy would have asked me to marry him as all I am is fat and ugly.....I feel like a mix master is inside me........... so there is the story behind the morning of tears....... I went back to day 1 of my blog and have just re read all my entries ...gathered some points here and there, laughed and cried some more.....and am now ready to start this journey all over again............
For however long it takes ....I am going to try and blog more regularly and have also decided to draw on past entries for inspiration, will post a past entry from time to time in no specific order What better time to start then now
Blog entry 2005
I had Al's Y7 orientation day yesterday cant believe Al is off to high school next year only seems like yesterday I was leaving her in kindergarten.Looking back over these past years and what we as a family have endured and overcome to get where we all are today brings tears and a smile to my face. I know what it is like to overcome hurdles, to survive when you somehow dont know how that is going to happen and if there really is such a thing as a rainbow at the end but there is and that is how I know that I will get to my goal ...this is what will make me continue no matter what hurdle appears. I know I am sort of rambling here but I need to see this for myself...be able to go back and read over this during the next few week
Time to start this journey again...........time to wipe away the tears......... hugs to you all :)
You can bend but never break me
'Cause it only serves to make me
More determined to achieve my final goal
And I come back even stronger
Not a novice any longer
'Cause you've deepened the conviction in my soul
Sunday, December 09, 2007
Better late than never
Hello ooooooo am back .........god knows how many times ive been and gone.....anyway so much has happened in the past 4 to 6 weeks where does one start.....
Ok first with the sad news my daughter had a miscarriage 2 weeks ago .....mainly brought on by her violent ex b/f who has now landed himself a few yrs holiday ............ she is as well as can be expected...............
Hard to be happy when she is going through all this but I do deserve to be happy and therefore am over the moon to say that my lovely man asked me to marry him ...... he took me out to dinner 3 weeks ago and proposed ........I was shocked .....delighted.......and my ring is absolutely gorgeous........... so the future holds a big move for the girls and I ...over to the coast which is great ...beaches.........him...... sand......... him .............places to go and did I mention him lol....... will try and work out how to post a pic on here so you can all have a look at the ring :).....
next exciting news is that I was offered part time work in 2008 from my work placement .... woooooo hooooooo ......will work p/t and complete my diploma before moving to the coast......
On the weight front well nothing great....staying about the same I think ...one day I will be brave enough to hop back on the scales .......... anyway must go just wanted to share my world with you all ...is my 43 rd birthday today so best get back to my friends ....hope you are all well will be around soon xxx
Ok first with the sad news my daughter had a miscarriage 2 weeks ago .....mainly brought on by her violent ex b/f who has now landed himself a few yrs holiday ............ she is as well as can be expected...............
Hard to be happy when she is going through all this but I do deserve to be happy and therefore am over the moon to say that my lovely man asked me to marry him ...... he took me out to dinner 3 weeks ago and proposed ........I was shocked .....delighted.......and my ring is absolutely gorgeous........... so the future holds a big move for the girls and I ...over to the coast which is great ...beaches.........him...... sand......... him .............places to go and did I mention him lol....... will try and work out how to post a pic on here so you can all have a look at the ring :).....
next exciting news is that I was offered part time work in 2008 from my work placement .... woooooo hooooooo ......will work p/t and complete my diploma before moving to the coast......
On the weight front well nothing great....staying about the same I think ...one day I will be brave enough to hop back on the scales .......... anyway must go just wanted to share my world with you all ...is my 43 rd birthday today so best get back to my friends ....hope you are all well will be around soon xxx
Friday, November 02, 2007
last day of ME time
Today is the last day of me time and I have had such a wonderful week.......doing things for me , seeing friends, exercising, my gardens , my house, shopping................gawd I have missed this , has been a huge year going back to study but after the next four weeks its all over ......until next year if I dont get a job.....have decided to enrol and do the 2nd yr to complete and get half a degree if I dont get work out of this , if I do get work then I will do the last yr externally.
I am kinda really nervous about work placement .......been really negative , questioning my ability, what if I dont do this right etc , gee I am my own worst enemy at times anyway can you all wish me well :) ta
Lee-Anne ..... I dont know I dont recall receiving an email from you ..my email is leathal_ nite 2002@ hotmail.com weird one I know lol.......hope you all have great weekend xxxxxxxxxxxxx
I am kinda really nervous about work placement .......been really negative , questioning my ability, what if I dont do this right etc , gee I am my own worst enemy at times anyway can you all wish me well :) ta
Lee-Anne ..... I dont know I dont recall receiving an email from you ..my email is leathal_ nite 2002@ hotmail.com weird one I know lol.......hope you all have great weekend xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
hello
Hi all
I dont seem to be able to get around here as often as I would like...do however read your blogs and know what is going on in your worlds....Lee-Anne if you read this let me into your blog pleaseeeee miss you so much :).....not sure why I cant get into your blog.
Anyways have a week off before my work placement , wasnt meant to be like this but turns out my supervisor doesnt get back until this week and therefore needs some time to catch up on stuff which is understandable.....suits me just fine am enjoying having me time without assignments due :).
On the weight loss front alls been good..eating has been pretty spot on , exercise well could be better, certainly have made up for some lost time so far this week, spent 4 hours in my yard yesterday....was surprised at just how much I enjoyed it ...have missed this......even managed to get back into some serious exercise yesterday and today and feel on top of my world....dont know why I stop doing exercise as I know just how good I feel, is incredible what exercise does for me.
OK am outa here ....to read and comment on your blogs...
Em x
I dont seem to be able to get around here as often as I would like...do however read your blogs and know what is going on in your worlds....Lee-Anne if you read this let me into your blog pleaseeeee miss you so much :).....not sure why I cant get into your blog.
Anyways have a week off before my work placement , wasnt meant to be like this but turns out my supervisor doesnt get back until this week and therefore needs some time to catch up on stuff which is understandable.....suits me just fine am enjoying having me time without assignments due :).
On the weight loss front alls been good..eating has been pretty spot on , exercise well could be better, certainly have made up for some lost time so far this week, spent 4 hours in my yard yesterday....was surprised at just how much I enjoyed it ...have missed this......even managed to get back into some serious exercise yesterday and today and feel on top of my world....dont know why I stop doing exercise as I know just how good I feel, is incredible what exercise does for me.
OK am outa here ....to read and comment on your blogs...
Em x
Monday, October 15, 2007
hanging in
Hey all :)
Yep I know its been a long time ........well where do I start ?
From the beginning ...went away for first week of the holidays...wasnt anywhere near a computer ....had a good time overall , went to Sydney for the weekend , Darling harbour on the Saturday wow hasnt that place gone ahead ..was wonderful ...went to the new wildlife park and the aquarium ... and walked around Darling Harbour twice, then we went to the rocks area and spend Saturday night staring at the harbour...must admit that I think Sydney Harbour is just absolutely gorgeous... miss 9 says when you open your eyes at home you see nothing when you open your eyes in Sydney you see everything ...lol just about sums it up but hey girl we arent moving to Sydney sorry ......
Sunday we went to the NRL grandfinal girls stayed with my girlfriends daughter so was good to be kid free especially at the footy ....go storm woo hooooo yes I know I am a Wests Tigers fan thru and thru but I hate manly :) lol.......spent the rest of the week in Newcastle catching up with friends and family and shopping..and the beach oh gawd how we miss the beach..we are like caged animals being relaeased once we get there .
The only downer of the week was when we took miss 21 back to her flat , we discovered that her delightful ex b/f had taken her stereo and dvd player ......... he had her keys ( long story )....in hindsight she should have reported him for not giving her her keys back but she didnt think he would steal her stuff and believed he would return them to her when she got back to Newcastle ....WRONG ....... asshole really want to believe in kharma....anyway we went to the Police and she had to notify real estate about her keys .......and has moved back in with my parents until Christmas .........after that have no idea .........she doesnt want to come back here but maybe she might have to......
Anyway am back at Tafe .....full speed ahead now only 2 more weeks in the classroom and 3 weeks of work placement and its over yippeeee ......want to get a real job out of this so fingers crossed................ am doing my work placement in disabilities not my choice but its only for 3 weeks so will make the most of it... should be very interesting and challenging.
Ok on the side of eating and exercising ...dont even go there ..hasnt been good .......but today was a new day and all I can do is look ahead ...better days ahead ...............one day I will get back to my goal weight is just going to take a while.........lessons to be learnt .....1 If I make one bad choice dont turn it into 10 bad choices ..........
Ok well I will be around in the next few days to comment on your blogs and catch up with you all..hope all is wonderful
Love Em x
Yep I know its been a long time ........well where do I start ?
From the beginning ...went away for first week of the holidays...wasnt anywhere near a computer ....had a good time overall , went to Sydney for the weekend , Darling harbour on the Saturday wow hasnt that place gone ahead ..was wonderful ...went to the new wildlife park and the aquarium ... and walked around Darling Harbour twice, then we went to the rocks area and spend Saturday night staring at the harbour...must admit that I think Sydney Harbour is just absolutely gorgeous... miss 9 says when you open your eyes at home you see nothing when you open your eyes in Sydney you see everything ...lol just about sums it up but hey girl we arent moving to Sydney sorry ......
Sunday we went to the NRL grandfinal girls stayed with my girlfriends daughter so was good to be kid free especially at the footy ....go storm woo hooooo yes I know I am a Wests Tigers fan thru and thru but I hate manly :) lol.......spent the rest of the week in Newcastle catching up with friends and family and shopping..and the beach oh gawd how we miss the beach..we are like caged animals being relaeased once we get there .
The only downer of the week was when we took miss 21 back to her flat , we discovered that her delightful ex b/f had taken her stereo and dvd player ......... he had her keys ( long story )....in hindsight she should have reported him for not giving her her keys back but she didnt think he would steal her stuff and believed he would return them to her when she got back to Newcastle ....WRONG ....... asshole really want to believe in kharma....anyway we went to the Police and she had to notify real estate about her keys .......and has moved back in with my parents until Christmas .........after that have no idea .........she doesnt want to come back here but maybe she might have to......
Anyway am back at Tafe .....full speed ahead now only 2 more weeks in the classroom and 3 weeks of work placement and its over yippeeee ......want to get a real job out of this so fingers crossed................ am doing my work placement in disabilities not my choice but its only for 3 weeks so will make the most of it... should be very interesting and challenging.
Ok on the side of eating and exercising ...dont even go there ..hasnt been good .......but today was a new day and all I can do is look ahead ...better days ahead ...............one day I will get back to my goal weight is just going to take a while.........lessons to be learnt .....1 If I make one bad choice dont turn it into 10 bad choices ..........
Ok well I will be around in the next few days to comment on your blogs and catch up with you all..hope all is wonderful
Love Em x
Sunday, September 23, 2007
not so good
Hi
Thanx to everyone who commented on my last post......yes of course I will support my daughter and love my grandchild but the road for her is not going to be a pleasant one...the father of the baby is a no hoper they split up 2 weeks ago and really she wouldnt want him in her life now.....not sure why she had him in her life to begin with and not sure why she didnt take precautions god knows how many conversations we had about that but what is done is done, no use crying over spilt milk so to speak ....but he has been giving her such a hard time since she has been here that she has had to go change her phone number and is looking at having to take legal steps ( which she doesnt want to ) but may have to so things arent good.
I have been feeling really sick in the tummy.....especially after my evening meal but over the weekend its been from lunch time onwards .....was having a cuppa with my friend yesterday and said to her you know if I didnt know better I would swear I was pregnant as its the same feeling I had then , she laughed and said to me maybe you are having Ash's morning sickness...I looked at her , she looked at me and we both said is that possible??...Does anyone have any ideas on that one ???
Exercise could be better, eating could be better....... if this gets back on track I know I will feel better emotionally as well as physically....havent lost the attitude just its gone into hiding.......scary bit is I am afraid of loosing it...gawd this is awful.....maybe I really do need to go talk to someone as I just cant seem to cope all that good these days when things go wrong and gees life isnt rosey all the time for any of us.
Hope you are all having a lovely weekend
Em x
Thanx to everyone who commented on my last post......yes of course I will support my daughter and love my grandchild but the road for her is not going to be a pleasant one...the father of the baby is a no hoper they split up 2 weeks ago and really she wouldnt want him in her life now.....not sure why she had him in her life to begin with and not sure why she didnt take precautions god knows how many conversations we had about that but what is done is done, no use crying over spilt milk so to speak ....but he has been giving her such a hard time since she has been here that she has had to go change her phone number and is looking at having to take legal steps ( which she doesnt want to ) but may have to so things arent good.
I have been feeling really sick in the tummy.....especially after my evening meal but over the weekend its been from lunch time onwards .....was having a cuppa with my friend yesterday and said to her you know if I didnt know better I would swear I was pregnant as its the same feeling I had then , she laughed and said to me maybe you are having Ash's morning sickness...I looked at her , she looked at me and we both said is that possible??...Does anyone have any ideas on that one ???
Exercise could be better, eating could be better....... if this gets back on track I know I will feel better emotionally as well as physically....havent lost the attitude just its gone into hiding.......scary bit is I am afraid of loosing it...gawd this is awful.....maybe I really do need to go talk to someone as I just cant seem to cope all that good these days when things go wrong and gees life isnt rosey all the time for any of us.
Hope you are all having a lovely weekend
Em x
Friday, September 21, 2007
Still here
Hello
I am still here..... this past week hasnt been such a great week for me in lots of ways but I have still maintained my exercise to a small amount and eating hasnt been too bad at all....emotionally I have been a wreck tho......daughter no 1 comes home last Friday with the news that she is pregnant........... yep I want to be a grandma but not in these circumstances....I am not disappointed in her but very disappointed for her , know what I mean.......so this news has thrown me then to top it off I have been sick after my evening meal then fine next morning so have no idea what thats all about......tafe has been so busy we only have 4 more weeks left in the classroom this year as we start our work placements 3rd week back after the holidays...stil dont know where I am going yet but have to do 6 work outcomes based on where I am going..... go figure how that one is supposed to be done.....I am a thinker and a planner not a spur of the moment person but am learning that being like that is going to be somewhat of a requirement, another learning bee for me ............. hope everyone is well ....... will catch up with you all really soon
Love Em x
I am still here..... this past week hasnt been such a great week for me in lots of ways but I have still maintained my exercise to a small amount and eating hasnt been too bad at all....emotionally I have been a wreck tho......daughter no 1 comes home last Friday with the news that she is pregnant........... yep I want to be a grandma but not in these circumstances....I am not disappointed in her but very disappointed for her , know what I mean.......so this news has thrown me then to top it off I have been sick after my evening meal then fine next morning so have no idea what thats all about......tafe has been so busy we only have 4 more weeks left in the classroom this year as we start our work placements 3rd week back after the holidays...stil dont know where I am going yet but have to do 6 work outcomes based on where I am going..... go figure how that one is supposed to be done.....I am a thinker and a planner not a spur of the moment person but am learning that being like that is going to be somewhat of a requirement, another learning bee for me ............. hope everyone is well ....... will catch up with you all really soon
Love Em x
Sunday, September 09, 2007
I am WOMAN I can do ANYTHING
Hello all
I am back ..yes you have heard this before but im back and I am here to stay.........I have gone a whole week without going off track..have counted my points, exercised, done tafe, been a mum , been a friend and it has came naturally, am feeling great, have so much energy and excitement its a wonder you cant feel it from there... I have not given into temptations and boy there has been a few but just knew within that I didnt need to eat the pizza, didnt need to buy the chocolates and chips, didnt need the pluto pup today at the markets and the list goes on and on.......I know deep within that the old em is back , I am focussing on the future, the point I want to be at by Christmas, seeing me as I want to be , being the key to my success :)..
I will not be reporting weight loss atm as far the scales are concerned for me just to feel better is fantastic and I know that soon my clothes will reveal weight loss and for me that suits me fine:)
Thankyou dear blog buddies, ty lady at Gloria Jeans....... and thank me for trusting in me again
Will be around in the next few days.....hope all is as wonderful
Love Em x
I am back ..yes you have heard this before but im back and I am here to stay.........I have gone a whole week without going off track..have counted my points, exercised, done tafe, been a mum , been a friend and it has came naturally, am feeling great, have so much energy and excitement its a wonder you cant feel it from there... I have not given into temptations and boy there has been a few but just knew within that I didnt need to eat the pizza, didnt need to buy the chocolates and chips, didnt need the pluto pup today at the markets and the list goes on and on.......I know deep within that the old em is back , I am focussing on the future, the point I want to be at by Christmas, seeing me as I want to be , being the key to my success :)..
I will not be reporting weight loss atm as far the scales are concerned for me just to feel better is fantastic and I know that soon my clothes will reveal weight loss and for me that suits me fine:)
Thankyou dear blog buddies, ty lady at Gloria Jeans....... and thank me for trusting in me again
Will be around in the next few days.....hope all is as wonderful
Love Em x
Monday, September 03, 2007
a negative into a positive
Hi all
Firsty a big thankyou to all who commented on my last posting :) was very touching to read what you all wrote and how much you care and realistically a wake up call...........made me really think long and hard and I know exactly how I feel being fatter again...not good so here goes again.
I had another wake up call last Friday , I went to gloria jeans with a g/f planned to have a hot choc with skim milk , ended up having a hot chocolate with skim milk and a left with a negative that I decided to turn into a positive.
The story goes like this
I saw this lady that I know from here and she says to me hows the weight loss going......seems as though you have gained weight and you were doing so well, sad really that you didnt stick to it..... I was fuming internally, thoughts of like hello blind man charlie can see I have gained weight, how dare you say that to me in front of people, how dare you of all people who are overweight big time and choose to do nothing about it say that to me but then it got me thinking .... it was the truth although she could have handled it a bit better it was still the truth.....my decision.... to turn this into a positive and remind myself of her words regularly :) thanx a million just what I needed ..... motivation to stick to this........am one determined lady when I want to be.
I will be around soon to catch up on everyones blogs..hope all is wonderful in your worlds
Love Em xxx
Firsty a big thankyou to all who commented on my last posting :) was very touching to read what you all wrote and how much you care and realistically a wake up call...........made me really think long and hard and I know exactly how I feel being fatter again...not good so here goes again.
I had another wake up call last Friday , I went to gloria jeans with a g/f planned to have a hot choc with skim milk , ended up having a hot chocolate with skim milk and a left with a negative that I decided to turn into a positive.
The story goes like this
I saw this lady that I know from here and she says to me hows the weight loss going......seems as though you have gained weight and you were doing so well, sad really that you didnt stick to it..... I was fuming internally, thoughts of like hello blind man charlie can see I have gained weight, how dare you say that to me in front of people, how dare you of all people who are overweight big time and choose to do nothing about it say that to me but then it got me thinking .... it was the truth although she could have handled it a bit better it was still the truth.....my decision.... to turn this into a positive and remind myself of her words regularly :) thanx a million just what I needed ..... motivation to stick to this........am one determined lady when I want to be.
I will be around soon to catch up on everyones blogs..hope all is wonderful in your worlds
Love Em xxx
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
fatter by the minute
hi
I am a failure...........am getting fatter by the minute.............I really dont know what to do just cant seem to keep at it this time...............I think I am going well and thought I had really found the old em but nope I havent..........some days I just eat and eat and feel sorry for myself...why am I doing this?? I think I might need help as I face all my stresses with food:(
Sorry
Em
I am a failure...........am getting fatter by the minute.............I really dont know what to do just cant seem to keep at it this time...............I think I am going well and thought I had really found the old em but nope I havent..........some days I just eat and eat and feel sorry for myself...why am I doing this?? I think I might need help as I face all my stresses with food:(
Sorry
Em
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
I hurt my eye :(
Hello Everyone
Sorry I havent been around..this time cant blame tafe..reason being I injured my eye last Saturday.........we were pruning trees and shrubs and a branch flung back and caught me in my left eye..was like ouch but was fine then I was talking to my mum on the phone about 8 ish and omg the pain in my eye was instant and unbearable.....went to the hospital sat there for 3 1/2 hours, to be told I would probably be still here in 4 hours time..grrrrrrrrrr bugger that I came home.......guess they didnt consider it too serious as I could still see out of it , my vision wasnt really affected.....too bad apparently that my eye lid was twice its normal size, using it hurt like hell but nope ..anyway not really whinging here but I didnt go back on Sunday much to the annoyance of my family .....Monday came and it was awful...the pain was still there if I turned my eye to the left and after 4 hours of tafe wasnt good so I decided to go to OPSM ....the girl there was wonderful anyway what I did was grazed the majority of my eye and it had became infected as apparently I was allergic to the sap......still is really sensitive to light, still cant turn it to the left without cringing but its almost back to normal to look at...........funny thing is I always wear my sunnies..this time nope and this happens.........
Weigh in on Monday wasnt anything spectacular......no loss no gain.....really need to take a long hard look here...really..... have come up with the conclusion that I really cant do this alone this time around..I need some direction and some support...basically something to keep me honest....am thinking of signing up to WW again and attending meetings. A friend has offered to come walking with me every afternoon so I hope she can as I really need someone to give me a good shove :(
Ok well I will try and catch up with you all over the next 2 days...hope all is good in your worlds
Love Em x
Sorry I havent been around..this time cant blame tafe..reason being I injured my eye last Saturday.........we were pruning trees and shrubs and a branch flung back and caught me in my left eye..was like ouch but was fine then I was talking to my mum on the phone about 8 ish and omg the pain in my eye was instant and unbearable.....went to the hospital sat there for 3 1/2 hours, to be told I would probably be still here in 4 hours time..grrrrrrrrrr bugger that I came home.......guess they didnt consider it too serious as I could still see out of it , my vision wasnt really affected.....too bad apparently that my eye lid was twice its normal size, using it hurt like hell but nope ..anyway not really whinging here but I didnt go back on Sunday much to the annoyance of my family .....Monday came and it was awful...the pain was still there if I turned my eye to the left and after 4 hours of tafe wasnt good so I decided to go to OPSM ....the girl there was wonderful anyway what I did was grazed the majority of my eye and it had became infected as apparently I was allergic to the sap......still is really sensitive to light, still cant turn it to the left without cringing but its almost back to normal to look at...........funny thing is I always wear my sunnies..this time nope and this happens.........
Weigh in on Monday wasnt anything spectacular......no loss no gain.....really need to take a long hard look here...really..... have come up with the conclusion that I really cant do this alone this time around..I need some direction and some support...basically something to keep me honest....am thinking of signing up to WW again and attending meetings. A friend has offered to come walking with me every afternoon so I hope she can as I really need someone to give me a good shove :(
Ok well I will try and catch up with you all over the next 2 days...hope all is good in your worlds
Love Em x
Monday, July 30, 2007
Monday.....weigh in......
Hello
Week 2 shows a loss of 500 grams so on that front all seems to be going good...............to say I am struggling at times would be somewhat of an understatement........at times it has been like torture to resist not going back to old ways..........anyway will take each day at a time all one can really do hey.
Sorry I havent been around your blogs lately just been really busy with tafe and then had a huge weekend..will pop by later today until then hope everyone is well
Love Em x
Week 2 shows a loss of 500 grams so on that front all seems to be going good...............to say I am struggling at times would be somewhat of an understatement........at times it has been like torture to resist not going back to old ways..........anyway will take each day at a time all one can really do hey.
Sorry I havent been around your blogs lately just been really busy with tafe and then had a huge weekend..will pop by later today until then hope everyone is well
Love Em x
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