MERRY CHRISTMAS

Wishing all my blog buddies and their families a wonderful Christmas..

Love Em and family xoxoxoxoxox

Week 2 here we go

Hey all

Week 1 was a huge success........ managed to stick to my plan for a whole week including the weekend and two birthdays so I am feeling really good in myself...have been drinking 4 1/2 litres of water and it has made a huge difference for me.......along with cutting back on carbs and the result for my first week is a loss of 4.8 kgs.

I will definately be watching myself very carefully this week tho as I know from past experience that the first week back always shows a bigger loss due to fluid loss but in having said that I do think 4 .8 kgs is definately something to smile about :).

My world has been pretty busy with birthdays...was my fiancee's ( mmm still getting used to that word ....mmm) birthday last Friday , I cooked a nice dinner and bought him a cake from the cheesecake shop ( his favourite)....was pretty laid back but nice all the same.

Yesterday was my baby's 10th Birthday ..... she invited two of her friends and we all went out for dinner ....... was very nice ...I had a warm chicken salad with honey mustard dressing.....and water of course then we came home for yet another cake ...I had the smallest piece of cake wasnt much of a temptation really as i was so full from dinner.

D/F has gone back to the coast this morning... has to tidy things up at work and organise his house (he lets his brother and his family stay there for two weeks over Christmas as they live in SA) wont see him again now until Saturday but then we get to keep him for 2 and 1/2 weeks :):) .

My eldest daughter is coming home tomorrow for a few weeks ....will be so good to have her home for a while where i can see for myself how she really is instead of hearing over the phone" I am ok mum " she has been through so much with having the miscarriage and dealing with all the court stuff anyways be nice to have her home and give her a cuddle .

OK well id best get moving ... have a great day
Em xxxxx

Water , water, water

Hi All

Day 3 and am feeling really , really wonderful ...not cocky just wonderful , have so much more energy and ooomph .

I was talking to a "expert " so to speak about my fluid retention and was told that for every 25 kgs you should be drinking 1 litre of water.....I thought omg I am way under ..anyways have been drinking my quota for 3 days now and so far so good only thing is the loo has become my new home :) ...have also cut back on carbs and like I said am feeling really awsum.

Exercise has been very limited mainly walking ..plan is to get back into the swing of that next week ..just felt that I needed to control my eating first instead of trying to do two things at once..........hurdle for me in the past has been that when I exercise I am on top of my world and food isnt an issue..dont exercise well then food is an issue.... so am teaching myself that food isnt an issue with or without exercise.......:)

Thanx to all who have been so kind really means a lot to me having your support .........

xxxx Em

Just what I needed

Hello

All I have done this morning is cry...cry..ahhh well crying is ok and I feel is just what I needed.....am over the moon about being engaged but deep down I knew that still my weight is an issue for me......so I jumped on the scales not prepared for what they revealed but must face reality and say I am now 110 kgs.............a hell of a lot of weight to cry about .........so out came all the emotions , the blame, the hating myself, the wonder why my guy would have asked me to marry him as all I am is fat and ugly.....I feel like a mix master is inside me........... so there is the story behind the morning of tears....... I went back to day 1 of my blog and have just re read all my entries ...gathered some points here and there, laughed and cried some more.....and am now ready to start this journey all over again............

For however long it takes ....I am going to try and blog more regularly and have also decided to draw on past entries for inspiration, will post a past entry from time to time in no specific order What better time to start then now


Blog entry 2005
I had Al's Y7 orientation day yesterday cant believe Al is off to high school next year only seems like yesterday I was leaving her in kindergarten.Looking back over these past years and what we as a family have endured and overcome to get where we all are today brings tears and a smile to my face. I know what it is like to overcome hurdles, to survive when you somehow dont know how that is going to happen and if there really is such a thing as a rainbow at the end but there is and that is how I know that I will get to my goal ...this is what will make me continue no matter what hurdle appears. I know I am sort of rambling here but I need to see this for myself...be able to go back and read over this during the next few week

Time to start this journey again...........time to wipe away the tears......... hugs to you all :)

You can bend but never break me
'Cause it only serves to make me
More determined to achieve my final goal
And I come back even stronger
Not a novice any longer
'Cause you've deepened the conviction in my soul

Better late than never

Hello ooooooo am back .........god knows how many times ive been and gone.....anyway so much has happened in the past 4 to 6 weeks where does one start.....
Ok first with the sad news my daughter had a miscarriage 2 weeks ago .....mainly brought on by her violent ex b/f who has now landed himself a few yrs holiday ............ she is as well as can be expected...............

Hard to be happy when she is going through all this but I do deserve to be happy and therefore am over the moon to say that my lovely man asked me to marry him ...... he took me out to dinner 3 weeks ago and proposed ........I was shocked .....delighted.......and my ring is absolutely gorgeous........... so the future holds a big move for the girls and I ...over to the coast which is great ...beaches.........him...... sand......... him .............places to go and did I mention him lol....... will try and work out how to post a pic on here so you can all have a look at the ring :).....

next exciting news is that I was offered part time work in 2008 from my work placement .... woooooo hooooooo ......will work p/t and complete my diploma before moving to the coast......


On the weight front well nothing great....staying about the same I think ...one day I will be brave enough to hop back on the scales .......... anyway must go just wanted to share my world with you all ...is my 43 rd birthday today so best get back to my friends ....hope you are all well will be around soon xxx

last day of ME time

Today is the last day of me time and I have had such a wonderful week.......doing things for me , seeing friends, exercising, my gardens , my house, shopping................gawd I have missed this , has been a huge year going back to study but after the next four weeks its all over ......until next year if I dont get a job.....have decided to enrol and do the 2nd yr to complete and get half a degree if I dont get work out of this , if I do get work then I will do the last yr externally.
I am kinda really nervous about work placement .......been really negative , questioning my ability, what if I dont do this right etc , gee I am my own worst enemy at times anyway can you all wish me well :) ta

Lee-Anne ..... I dont know I dont recall receiving an email from you ..my email is leathal_ nite 2002@ hotmail.com weird one I know lol.......hope you all have great weekend xxxxxxxxxxxxx

hello

Hi all

I dont seem to be able to get around here as often as I would like...do however read your blogs and know what is going on in your worlds....Lee-Anne if you read this let me into your blog pleaseeeee miss you so much :).....not sure why I cant get into your blog.

Anyways have a week off before my work placement , wasnt meant to be like this but turns out my supervisor doesnt get back until this week and therefore needs some time to catch up on stuff which is understandable.....suits me just fine am enjoying having me time without assignments due :).

On the weight loss front alls been good..eating has been pretty spot on , exercise well could be better, certainly have made up for some lost time so far this week, spent 4 hours in my yard yesterday....was surprised at just how much I enjoyed it ...have missed this......even managed to get back into some serious exercise yesterday and today and feel on top of my world....dont know why I stop doing exercise as I know just how good I feel, is incredible what exercise does for me.

OK am outa here ....to read and comment on your blogs...

Em x

hanging in

Hey all :)

Yep I know its been a long time ........well where do I start ?

From the beginning ...went away for first week of the holidays...wasnt anywhere near a computer ....had a good time overall , went to Sydney for the weekend , Darling harbour on the Saturday wow hasnt that place gone ahead ..was wonderful ...went to the new wildlife park and the aquarium ... and walked around Darling Harbour twice, then we went to the rocks area and spend Saturday night staring at the harbour...must admit that I think Sydney Harbour is just absolutely gorgeous... miss 9 says when you open your eyes at home you see nothing when you open your eyes in Sydney you see everything ...lol just about sums it up but hey girl we arent moving to Sydney sorry ......
Sunday we went to the NRL grandfinal girls stayed with my girlfriends daughter so was good to be kid free especially at the footy ....go storm woo hooooo yes I know I am a Wests Tigers fan thru and thru but I hate manly :) lol.......spent the rest of the week in Newcastle catching up with friends and family and shopping..and the beach oh gawd how we miss the beach..we are like caged animals being relaeased once we get there .
The only downer of the week was when we took miss 21 back to her flat , we discovered that her delightful ex b/f had taken her stereo and dvd player ......... he had her keys ( long story )....in hindsight she should have reported him for not giving her her keys back but she didnt think he would steal her stuff and believed he would return them to her when she got back to Newcastle ....WRONG ....... asshole really want to believe in kharma....anyway we went to the Police and she had to notify real estate about her keys .......and has moved back in with my parents until Christmas .........after that have no idea .........she doesnt want to come back here but maybe she might have to......

Anyway am back at Tafe .....full speed ahead now only 2 more weeks in the classroom and 3 weeks of work placement and its over yippeeee ......want to get a real job out of this so fingers crossed................ am doing my work placement in disabilities not my choice but its only for 3 weeks so will make the most of it... should be very interesting and challenging.


Ok on the side of eating and exercising ...dont even go there ..hasnt been good .......but today was a new day and all I can do is look ahead ...better days ahead ...............one day I will get back to my goal weight is just going to take a while.........lessons to be learnt .....1 If I make one bad choice dont turn it into 10 bad choices ..........


Ok well I will be around in the next few days to comment on your blogs and catch up with you all..hope all is wonderful
Love Em x

not so good

Hi

Thanx to everyone who commented on my last post......yes of course I will support my daughter and love my grandchild but the road for her is not going to be a pleasant one...the father of the baby is a no hoper they split up 2 weeks ago and really she wouldnt want him in her life now.....not sure why she had him in her life to begin with and not sure why she didnt take precautions god knows how many conversations we had about that but what is done is done, no use crying over spilt milk so to speak ....but he has been giving her such a hard time since she has been here that she has had to go change her phone number and is looking at having to take legal steps ( which she doesnt want to ) but may have to so things arent good.
I have been feeling really sick in the tummy.....especially after my evening meal but over the weekend its been from lunch time onwards .....was having a cuppa with my friend yesterday and said to her you know if I didnt know better I would swear I was pregnant as its the same feeling I had then , she laughed and said to me maybe you are having Ash's morning sickness...I looked at her , she looked at me and we both said is that possible??...Does anyone have any ideas on that one ???

Exercise could be better, eating could be better....... if this gets back on track I know I will feel better emotionally as well as physically....havent lost the attitude just its gone into hiding.......scary bit is I am afraid of loosing it...gawd this is awful.....maybe I really do need to go talk to someone as I just cant seem to cope all that good these days when things go wrong and gees life isnt rosey all the time for any of us.

Hope you are all having a lovely weekend

Em x

Still here

Hello

I am still here..... this past week hasnt been such a great week for me in lots of ways but I have still maintained my exercise to a small amount and eating hasnt been too bad at all....emotionally I have been a wreck tho......daughter no 1 comes home last Friday with the news that she is pregnant........... yep I want to be a grandma but not in these circumstances....I am not disappointed in her but very disappointed for her , know what I mean.......so this news has thrown me then to top it off I have been sick after my evening meal then fine next morning so have no idea what thats all about......tafe has been so busy we only have 4 more weeks left in the classroom this year as we start our work placements 3rd week back after the holidays...stil dont know where I am going yet but have to do 6 work outcomes based on where I am going..... go figure how that one is supposed to be done.....I am a thinker and a planner not a spur of the moment person but am learning that being like that is going to be somewhat of a requirement, another learning bee for me ............. hope everyone is well ....... will catch up with you all really soon

Love Em x

I am WOMAN I can do ANYTHING

Hello all
I am back ..yes you have heard this before but im back and I am here to stay.........I have gone a whole week without going off track..have counted my points, exercised, done tafe, been a mum , been a friend and it has came naturally, am feeling great, have so much energy and excitement its a wonder you cant feel it from there... I have not given into temptations and boy there has been a few but just knew within that I didnt need to eat the pizza, didnt need to buy the chocolates and chips, didnt need the pluto pup today at the markets and the list goes on and on.......I know deep within that the old em is back , I am focussing on the future, the point I want to be at by Christmas, seeing me as I want to be , being the key to my success :)..

I will not be reporting weight loss atm as far the scales are concerned for me just to feel better is fantastic and I know that soon my clothes will reveal weight loss and for me that suits me fine:)
Thankyou dear blog buddies, ty lady at Gloria Jeans....... and thank me for trusting in me again

Will be around in the next few days.....hope all is as wonderful
Love Em x

a negative into a positive

Hi all

Firsty a big thankyou to all who commented on my last posting :) was very touching to read what you all wrote and how much you care and realistically a wake up call...........made me really think long and hard and I know exactly how I feel being fatter again...not good so here goes again.



I had another wake up call last Friday , I went to gloria jeans with a g/f planned to have a hot choc with skim milk , ended up having a hot chocolate with skim milk and a left with a negative that I decided to turn into a positive.

The story goes like this



I saw this lady that I know from here and she says to me hows the weight loss going......seems as though you have gained weight and you were doing so well, sad really that you didnt stick to it..... I was fuming internally, thoughts of like hello blind man charlie can see I have gained weight, how dare you say that to me in front of people, how dare you of all people who are overweight big time and choose to do nothing about it say that to me but then it got me thinking .... it was the truth although she could have handled it a bit better it was still the truth.....my decision.... to turn this into a positive and remind myself of her words regularly :) thanx a million just what I needed ..... motivation to stick to this........am one determined lady when I want to be.



I will be around soon to catch up on everyones blogs..hope all is wonderful in your worlds



Love Em xxx

fatter by the minute

hi

I am a failure...........am getting fatter by the minute.............I really dont know what to do just cant seem to keep at it this time...............I think I am going well and thought I had really found the old em but nope I havent..........some days I just eat and eat and feel sorry for myself...why am I doing this?? I think I might need help as I face all my stresses with food:(

Sorry
Em

I hurt my eye :(

Hello Everyone

Sorry I havent been around..this time cant blame tafe..reason being I injured my eye last Saturday.........we were pruning trees and shrubs and a branch flung back and caught me in my left eye..was like ouch but was fine then I was talking to my mum on the phone about 8 ish and omg the pain in my eye was instant and unbearable.....went to the hospital sat there for 3 1/2 hours, to be told I would probably be still here in 4 hours time..grrrrrrrrrr bugger that I came home.......guess they didnt consider it too serious as I could still see out of it , my vision wasnt really affected.....too bad apparently that my eye lid was twice its normal size, using it hurt like hell but nope ..anyway not really whinging here but I didnt go back on Sunday much to the annoyance of my family .....Monday came and it was awful...the pain was still there if I turned my eye to the left and after 4 hours of tafe wasnt good so I decided to go to OPSM ....the girl there was wonderful anyway what I did was grazed the majority of my eye and it had became infected as apparently I was allergic to the sap......still is really sensitive to light, still cant turn it to the left without cringing but its almost back to normal to look at...........funny thing is I always wear my sunnies..this time nope and this happens.........

Weigh in on Monday wasnt anything spectacular......no loss no gain.....really need to take a long hard look here...really..... have come up with the conclusion that I really cant do this alone this time around..I need some direction and some support...basically something to keep me honest....am thinking of signing up to WW again and attending meetings. A friend has offered to come walking with me every afternoon so I hope she can as I really need someone to give me a good shove :(

Ok well I will try and catch up with you all over the next 2 days...hope all is good in your worlds

Love Em x

Monday.....weigh in......

Hello
Week 2 shows a loss of 500 grams so on that front all seems to be going good...............to say I am struggling at times would be somewhat of an understatement........at times it has been like torture to resist not going back to old ways..........anyway will take each day at a time all one can really do hey.

Sorry I havent been around your blogs lately just been really busy with tafe and then had a huge weekend..will pop by later today until then hope everyone is well

Love Em x

weigh day and sneezes

Firstly today was weigh in day and am very happy to say I have lost 3 kgs.....mostly fluid no doubt but ty very much :)

Day 1 back at Tafe and already 2 assignments ........grrrrrr but they dont look so bad :). I must have sneezed at least 30 times today...be good if for every sneeze you lost an ounce :) ..it is most annoying......not sure why I am sneezing ..I walked to tafe at 8 30 ,the air was cold and blowing in my face but it was such a awsome feeling , made me feel so alive and fresh , even got me thinking about getting up at 5 30 and going for a walk instead of my exercise bike..whether that comes off will be another thing might wait until the weather is a bit warmer...big difference between 5 30 and 8 30 .

I made my lunch and snacks for tafe today much better , made me full of confidence... had a chicken salad for lunch with ww ceaser dressing much to the amazement of my fellow class mates ...fancy eating salads in winter..was a warm chicken salad left to go cold :). It was scrumptious and snacks were an orange , apple and 2 rice cakes ......good girl hey :).

Well am off now going to go do some more bike...hope all is well and have a great week

Love Em x

Sunday Blues

I have had the Sunday blues :( I have been feeling sorry for myself...... looking at myself..crying over those gained kgs, but enough of that..here is a conscious decision that this is going to stop as of now......
Yesterday we had the Harry Potter maniac oops mania in our house , my 13 yr old pacing the house because we werent lined up before 9 am and we were going to miss out lol .....gees will there be life after Harry Potter ....... we went to see the movie last weekend wasnt too bad ...I enjoy it because I see how much my girls love it, thats my excuse anyway lol.
OK back to Tafe tomorrow..... the goal is to fit some sort of exercise into my day...eat properly by making sure I go to tafe prepared everyday...no excuses to not take a nice healthy lunch and morning tea to tafe....... is going to be a long hard term..one of our modules is mental health should be very interesting.
Hope everyone is well , will leave you with this quote

"TODAY any woman can fight the battles of just one day. It is only when you and I add the burdens of those two awful eternities-YESTERDAY and TOMORROW - that we break down.

Glad to be back

Hi Everyone

It is so good to be back blogging........ missed you all so much:).Day 3 today and I am feeling really good.......just from eating good healthy food , water and a bit of exercise I feel so much more energised. Is amazing really just how much fluid I retain but have accepted that this is not going to go away but by lowering my weight and with exercise then the retention wont be so bad.

As I said in last post I am halfway through my tafe course...am enjoying it, has been really hard work but I am very proud of myself and the effort I have put into all my assignments and boy have we had some assignments around 25 so far and am happy to say I have got distinctions in every graded module so far :) so lesson is if you are prepared to put in the work then you will reap the rewards. I am determined to give my weight loss the same amount of respect that I have given my course .

Am so glad to have caught up with you all and made some new friends :) ... is so good to be able to share this journey with you all and be a part of your weight loss world :)



Ok is absolutely freezing here ..coldest winter I have felt in the six years I have lived here ..we are having mornings of minus 4 brrrrrrrrrr am off now to have a nice green tea.

Hope all is well
Love Em xxxx

Remember Me

Hello
Well it seems like a lifetime....has been a long time.....but now it's " the time"...yep you have read right today is the day where journey no 2 begins.... I have asked myself why is this time going to be any different from the last times...answer because I have found the old me again the girl with spirit, the girl with determination, the girl with the inner peace , the girl who will get to goal and this time when she does she will see herself as she is not how she used to be.

I have grown up and if gaining 20 kgs was needed for that to happen then so be it........this time round I will appreciate each step I take and be happy......... the way I see it is if you always want more then you will never be happy with what you have.......I will be happy this time at goal.......I will appreciate how far I have come and I will respect myself enough this time to not gain again.

I am half way through my tafe course.....a course that has consumed me...but one that also has given me so much self awareness.....one that has made me really see the beauty I have as a person .....inside and out........

75 kgs here I come :)

About Time

Hi All

Firstly thankyou for everyone who has popped by my blog is so nice to know you gals are thinking about me.

Well I have been swamped with this Tafe course and my girls....have really struggled to make it all fall into place........have had 13 assignments to do in the first term and some have been really full on...at times I have been really stressed ..mornings of going to bed at 12 30 and then up again at 5 30 to try and get some sort of exercise in have been part of my world..also trying to be here for the girls so they dont feel left out as I have always said NO 1 I am a mum and by the end of the week I have been so tired and more stressed that at times I have asked myself IS this really worth it........Answer has been yes all the time just kept saying to myself it will get easier and trying really hard to convince myself :).

Soooooooo have no idea what my weight situation is like ..feel really fat atm and I am aware that some of my clothes are tighter so gosh knows what damage ive done...........thing is I havent been overeating but exercise has really gone by the wayside and the food choices havent always been good either ........Conclusion ...I need a big kick up the bum........... Solution...........Ok have done myself a timetabe thurs n fri are solely for tafe assignments while girls are at school....so hopefully this will stop the late nights which means the mornings of exercise will happen which means Em will be on top of her world if she can exercise... sounds good hey?

Well seeing as tho I do have a life besides Tafe.. my eldest turned 21 on the 7th March and my 3rd turned 13 on the 11th March so we have had 2 pretty big celebrations happening :).

I will try and pop by everyones blogs really soon .............hope all is going well for everyone

Love Em xxxxxxxxxx