Hello ...hope everyone is well
I cant believe its been a week since I last updated ..things have been very busy in my world.
Firstly I received 12 lovely red roses all boxed from DF for valentines day ..they were so gorgeous, probably only got a couple of more days of life left in them now though :(
I received a phone call from where I did my work placement on Thursday afternnon so Friday I went down and saw the team leader, we had a chat and she gave me all the paperwork to fill out so looks like work will be coming through in the next few weeks..they seem happy to work around TAFE and have offered me weekend and holiday work for the time being which suits me...only hiccup
I have to go for a medical.......I cringed when she said this to me.....all these thoughts came to mind SCALES being the no1 on my list .......since Friday this worry has been in the back of my mind..what if they say I am too fat to work there......what if they take one look at me and think omg how fat is she .......I hate feeling like this and worrying about it..there is nothing I can do will have to go for it and hope for the best ..have no idea what they do or dont do .
Miss 13 has been getting a few babysitting jobs which is wonderful for her, gives her a sense of independance and has helped my bank balance :) or should that be lack of bank balance mmm lol
TAFE has been really full on ...this year is going to be huge, we still havent been given anymore information on these projects. ..hopefully that will be next week
On the weight front ..didnt weigh in this week so cant report any figures..am on day 23 of steps forward.....still eating well and exercising, still drinking my 4 litres of water a day and still smiling about it all so thats a good thing.....went out and bought book 3 and 4 of STGTBT..had book 2 and intend to get 1 and 5 ..I find them great value....
Take care
Em x
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Happy Valentines Day
Happy Valentines Day ...hope you all have a lovely day x
I weighed myself yesterday at my neighbours house, she is a big fan of the scales I am not as you all know but she said to me that I need to know where I am at for points reasons if nothing else ...mmmmm in a way I guess she is right anyway did the scale bit and lost 2 kgs ......pretty happy with that although probably the majority was because I was sick for almost 3 days......bottom line being I have now stepped forward for 16 days today being the 17th day....clothes are definately getting bigger on me, not as much around the middle area as I would like though but thats always the last part for me...soon I will be able to fit into my clothes in wardrobe no 2 the ones that have been hanging for so long it isnt funny.....never will I gain this weight again... this time its for keeps.
No TAFE until Monday ..no assessments as yet so the weekend is looking pretty good...will take advantage of the weather and do something with the girls..thats the plan :)
Take care
Em x
I weighed myself yesterday at my neighbours house, she is a big fan of the scales I am not as you all know but she said to me that I need to know where I am at for points reasons if nothing else ...mmmmm in a way I guess she is right anyway did the scale bit and lost 2 kgs ......pretty happy with that although probably the majority was because I was sick for almost 3 days......bottom line being I have now stepped forward for 16 days today being the 17th day....clothes are definately getting bigger on me, not as much around the middle area as I would like though but thats always the last part for me...soon I will be able to fit into my clothes in wardrobe no 2 the ones that have been hanging for so long it isnt funny.....never will I gain this weight again... this time its for keeps.
No TAFE until Monday ..no assessments as yet so the weekend is looking pretty good...will take advantage of the weather and do something with the girls..thats the plan :)
Take care
Em x
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Feeling much better today
I am feeling much better today..... slept last night for some ungodly number of hours but was up at 5 30 this morning and back exercising .......this is the way I like it :)
Didnt weigh myself today ..scales have had it...like I said am not going to go and buy a new set , will weigh myself at some point in time at someones house or at the shopping centre one Friday night ....am onto day 15 of stepping forward ........so alls great on the weight loss front, well it should be hey.
Tafe is back and dont we know it......isnt going to be any easier as far as the work load goes this year..haha silly me for even uttering such ridiculous words but will be worth it in the long run..... We arent going to do 240 hrs of work placement in term 4 like previous years, we are going to do something completely different and new...... we are going to be put into groups of 3 and we are going to pilot a program..start from scratch and get to the point of where the program can be implemented for the Smith Family ...sounds really exciting and scary at the same time
The rain is back ....everything is so lovely and green, we have had more rain the past 2 weeks then we have had in the 7 years I have lived here ...unbelievable .......the dam that provides Tamworth is almost 80% full , is even talk about lifting water restrictions, personally I hope they dont act too liberal and re introduce sprinklers again , well at least not for the moment as we all know from the past it can change pretty quickly and we dont want to get back to the lows we had not so long ago of 17%
Tomorrow Kevin Rudd ( Australian Prime Minister) will say "sorry " to the Indigenous people.......this is the main topic of conversation and debate atm.....by the end of the week am sure I will be so over hearing about it...... personally my concern is what level of compensation will come from it..time will tell
Take care
Em x
Didnt weigh myself today ..scales have had it...like I said am not going to go and buy a new set , will weigh myself at some point in time at someones house or at the shopping centre one Friday night ....am onto day 15 of stepping forward ........so alls great on the weight loss front, well it should be hey.
Tafe is back and dont we know it......isnt going to be any easier as far as the work load goes this year..haha silly me for even uttering such ridiculous words but will be worth it in the long run..... We arent going to do 240 hrs of work placement in term 4 like previous years, we are going to do something completely different and new...... we are going to be put into groups of 3 and we are going to pilot a program..start from scratch and get to the point of where the program can be implemented for the Smith Family ...sounds really exciting and scary at the same time
The rain is back ....everything is so lovely and green, we have had more rain the past 2 weeks then we have had in the 7 years I have lived here ...unbelievable .......the dam that provides Tamworth is almost 80% full , is even talk about lifting water restrictions, personally I hope they dont act too liberal and re introduce sprinklers again , well at least not for the moment as we all know from the past it can change pretty quickly and we dont want to get back to the lows we had not so long ago of 17%
Tomorrow Kevin Rudd ( Australian Prime Minister) will say "sorry " to the Indigenous people.......this is the main topic of conversation and debate atm.....by the end of the week am sure I will be so over hearing about it...... personally my concern is what level of compensation will come from it..time will tell
Take care
Em x
Monday, February 11, 2008
Mixed Bag
I spent most of the weekend sick......every time I ate something I was sick .....felt very weak and had the sorest throat from being sick not good ...
Today was my first day back at TAFE........really struggled, feel really weak, had a light salad lunch and have managed to keep this down ...went to have dinner tonight and just dont feel like it ..did manage to do 30 mins of exercise this morning....hope all is well , will try and catch up soon ..for now I am off to bed ...cya
Em x
Today was my first day back at TAFE........really struggled, feel really weak, had a light salad lunch and have managed to keep this down ...went to have dinner tonight and just dont feel like it ..did manage to do 30 mins of exercise this morning....hope all is well , will try and catch up soon ..for now I am off to bed ...cya
Em x
Friday, February 08, 2008
It's Friday
This week has gone too quick ....I go back to TAFE next Monday ..... have mixed emotions here, I need to finish what I started for me, the diploma is what I need and want to get .......guess its just a bit of nerves going back hopefully all will be fine once I am there.........The work I was offered after placement will probably come sometime in March now , they are having major changes with location etc so I will wait and see what hours im offered then decide whether I need to continue my study by flexilink and work part time.
Girls are enjoying school , Miss 10 is learning to play the guitar this year, she has her swimming carnival today so will be joining her mid morning...miss 13 had her first babysitting job last night, she was excited.She is so keen to work but she isnt 14 until March and for most places that is too young, you have to be 14 and9 mths....she was paid $10 an hour so was very pleased :).
On the weight front, things couldnt be going any better...am exercising, eating really well, drinking my 4 litres of water with no problems ( actually love the stuff ) and am feeling really wonderful have so much energy. Mike ( WW forums ) and I have decided to pair up for the Challenge I set myself, he is keen to do this with me so now it has become the 60 day challenge .... is really great having his support and if he can step forward for 60 days he has a real great chance of reaching goal ...how awsome that would be for him :)
The weekend is almost here...DF will be here this afternoon which is great, seems like forever since I have seen him :)....Sunday his parents and brother are coming up for the day so will be good to see them again.....have lunch in control instead of going out I am just going to make a nice chicken salad .
Hope everyone has a great weekend
Em x
Girls are enjoying school , Miss 10 is learning to play the guitar this year, she has her swimming carnival today so will be joining her mid morning...miss 13 had her first babysitting job last night, she was excited.She is so keen to work but she isnt 14 until March and for most places that is too young, you have to be 14 and9 mths....she was paid $10 an hour so was very pleased :).
On the weight front, things couldnt be going any better...am exercising, eating really well, drinking my 4 litres of water with no problems ( actually love the stuff ) and am feeling really wonderful have so much energy. Mike ( WW forums ) and I have decided to pair up for the Challenge I set myself, he is keen to do this with me so now it has become the 60 day challenge .... is really great having his support and if he can step forward for 60 days he has a real great chance of reaching goal ...how awsome that would be for him :)
The weekend is almost here...DF will be here this afternoon which is great, seems like forever since I have seen him :)....Sunday his parents and brother are coming up for the day so will be good to see them again.....have lunch in control instead of going out I am just going to make a nice chicken salad .
Hope everyone has a great weekend
Em x
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
If I didnt laugh id cry
As you all know today is Tuesday which means its time to weigh myself ..well that I did this morning and they revealed 175 kgs .......yes without a word of a lie that is what they said to me.....I hopped off and back on them to reveal 156 , all I could do was laugh ...better than crying .....what to do what to do .....well decided I would go to my next door neighbour to weigh myself, she thought it was very funny but went on to tell me that maybe it has something to do with all the rain as mine are digital ..... personally am not too sure about that one but never mind her scales showed 99.5 which I have recorded as my official weight....
As today has gone on I have been thinking about the minor panic attack I had, the I must weigh myself mentality NOW, TODAY not TOMORROW... I have decided that if my scales are going to play funny buggers with me that I dont need them....if it turns out they are stuffed for want of a better word then I will not be rushing out to replace them.........I know I am exercising, eating well, weighing and counting points so at the end of the day alls good.......I have never been a fan of the scales probably cause of my fluid retention problem...for me the tape measure has always been a better option..yes its great when you see the numbers go down but I feel that I need not to rely on what they say for motivation...this is a lifestyle change ..one that is here for keeps..I know what to do...I know not what to do( learnt that one in a big way ..gaining almost all I had lost ) and to be frankly honest the "one step forward challenge" I have set myself is the best motivation tool I have used....... to know each day you are stepping forward not back is such an incentive to keep on going........
Have a great day
Em x
As today has gone on I have been thinking about the minor panic attack I had, the I must weigh myself mentality NOW, TODAY not TOMORROW... I have decided that if my scales are going to play funny buggers with me that I dont need them....if it turns out they are stuffed for want of a better word then I will not be rushing out to replace them.........I know I am exercising, eating well, weighing and counting points so at the end of the day alls good.......I have never been a fan of the scales probably cause of my fluid retention problem...for me the tape measure has always been a better option..yes its great when you see the numbers go down but I feel that I need not to rely on what they say for motivation...this is a lifestyle change ..one that is here for keeps..I know what to do...I know not what to do( learnt that one in a big way ..gaining almost all I had lost ) and to be frankly honest the "one step forward challenge" I have set myself is the best motivation tool I have used....... to know each day you are stepping forward not back is such an incentive to keep on going........
Have a great day
Em x
Monday, February 04, 2008
Monday
My weekend was really quiet but very nice, had a girlfriend and her two girls come around Saturday afternoon ....was great catching up with her hadnt realised I hadn't caught up with her for nearly 2 months ..Where does the time go ?? Exercise and ate well for Saturday
Sunday was much the same, watched a couple of dvds with my girls, it was raining here and I found myself sitting on the lounge looking out the window at the rain falling ...was such a peaceful time ....not a worry in the world just looking at the rain
Today is day 7 of steps forward...... just taking one day at a time , not looking at the big picture as each day forward is a step towards goal. Weigh day tomorrow , regardless of what the scales say I am eating healthier, exercising and feeling good .......so all will work out at the end of the day.....
Miss 13 is home in bed, woke up this morning with the vomits ...poor baby..... I have been and had my hair cut and eyebrows done...made an appointment for Thursday to have my hair coloured ...comes in handy having a friend who is a hairdresser :)
Hope all is well
Em x
Sunday was much the same, watched a couple of dvds with my girls, it was raining here and I found myself sitting on the lounge looking out the window at the rain falling ...was such a peaceful time ....not a worry in the world just looking at the rain
Today is day 7 of steps forward...... just taking one day at a time , not looking at the big picture as each day forward is a step towards goal. Weigh day tomorrow , regardless of what the scales say I am eating healthier, exercising and feeling good .......so all will work out at the end of the day.....
Miss 13 is home in bed, woke up this morning with the vomits ...poor baby..... I have been and had my hair cut and eyebrows done...made an appointment for Thursday to have my hair coloured ...comes in handy having a friend who is a hairdresser :)
Hope all is well
Em x
Friday, February 01, 2008
Meet Mike ...well Mike's Mathematical Theory
Now I did some easy maths. And knowledge is power.Sometimes we can excuse ourselves if we lose for two weeks then gain for one because we havent stayed focussed. But success builds confidence and confidence builds success. So I compared how much faster you lose weight by losing EVERY WEEK compared to losing for two weeks then gaining for one.well stand with someone and get one person to take two steps forward and one back, the other to take 3 steps forward. Do this 4 times (representing twelve weeks).One person has gone forward 12 steps, the other only 4 steps. lets call each step a kilogram. full focus = 12 kg. focus 2 weeks out of 3 = 4 kg.I have set only weekly targets of 1 kg. If I lose less its OK. But I dont want to go two steps forward and one back.
Mike
A big thankyou goes out to Mike ..this really makes sense and is a huge motivational key for me so I thought I would share it with all of you :).
I personally am on Day 4 of steps forward........exercise has been around the 60 minute mark everyday and eating has been spot on ...am feeling really vibrant..positive....happy.....even sexy haha. I discovered this body butter which enhances your natural tan so am looking rather coloured atm.......well being so fair its hard .
Girls went back to school...miss 10 couldnt wait was up and ready by 8 am .. she really loves school which is great. Miss 13 was keen to go back to but one has to wonder just how big of a part the "social scene " played in this .
Hope you all have a great weekend...... mine will be pretty quiet compared to last weekend...... just going to go and catch a movie with the girls........
Em xx
Mike
A big thankyou goes out to Mike ..this really makes sense and is a huge motivational key for me so I thought I would share it with all of you :).
I personally am on Day 4 of steps forward........exercise has been around the 60 minute mark everyday and eating has been spot on ...am feeling really vibrant..positive....happy.....even sexy haha. I discovered this body butter which enhances your natural tan so am looking rather coloured atm.......well being so fair its hard .
Girls went back to school...miss 10 couldnt wait was up and ready by 8 am .. she really loves school which is great. Miss 13 was keen to go back to but one has to wonder just how big of a part the "social scene " played in this .
Hope you all have a great weekend...... mine will be pretty quiet compared to last weekend...... just going to go and catch a movie with the girls........
Em xx
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
What one does on a Country Music Festival Long Weekend
Hello
I have had the busiest long weekend..must admit looking back its been a hell of a lot of fun and atm I am travelling pretty good.
Friday night I took the girls to see Kasey ......we met up with some friends and even tho I am not a huge fan of hers I have got to say that girl gives a great concert.......afterwards we went for a walk around the place looking at the carnival and I mean looking sheesh I am not paying $6 for a ride and $ 4. 50 for a single icecream cone .
Saturday morning sees us all up bright and early and off to see the cavalcade......most of the well known artists were on floats.. this year there were over 70 floats ...then we tackled the crowd and went and listened to some of the buskers..had some lunch and came home. Here are some pics from the cavalcade.... as you can see we live on the wrong side of town but to get across the street to the side they drove on sounds easy hey ?Not at all if you knew the drama to do that you would agree with me this side will do lol .Damn batteries went flat so couldnt take anymore ..really organised hey NOT... think miss 13 needs to check the date on her camera too lol
Lee Kernighan ( Aussie of the yr ) our N.S.W. Premier and the McClymonts
ohhh and the back of miss 10's head , the head next to her is of a 30 yr old lady just
shows how tall miss 10 is.
I have had the busiest long weekend..must admit looking back its been a hell of a lot of fun and atm I am travelling pretty good.
Friday night I took the girls to see Kasey ......we met up with some friends and even tho I am not a huge fan of hers I have got to say that girl gives a great concert.......afterwards we went for a walk around the place looking at the carnival and I mean looking sheesh I am not paying $6 for a ride and $ 4. 50 for a single icecream cone .
Saturday morning sees us all up bright and early and off to see the cavalcade......most of the well known artists were on floats.. this year there were over 70 floats ...then we tackled the crowd and went and listened to some of the buskers..had some lunch and came home. Here are some pics from the cavalcade.... as you can see we live on the wrong side of town but to get across the street to the side they drove on sounds easy hey ?Not at all if you knew the drama to do that you would agree with me this side will do lol .Damn batteries went flat so couldnt take anymore ..really organised hey NOT... think miss 13 needs to check the date on her camera too lol
Lee Kernighan ( Aussie of the yr ) our N.S.W. Premier and the McClymonts
ohhh and the back of miss 10's head , the head next to her is of a 30 yr old lady just
shows how tall miss 10 is.
Troy Casser -Daley
Base Hospital Float
Saturday night I had a child free zone for a few hours so we used this to our advantage and went to see The Black Sorrows......absolutely fantastic..danced , sang, danced some more..all miss 13 could say the next morning was thank goodness I wasnt there ..sheesh how rude of her lol.... after the concert we went to the pub well we finally got into the pub after queuing up for 3o mins got to love festival time here .......decided to stay at the one pub tho , didnt much fancy the idea of the queue again....
Sunday I had a 40 th birthday to go to out of town ....was wonderful catching up with my TAFE friend and helping to celebrate her 40th ....... was child free again all night too wow that doesnt happen very often and have to thank miss 20 for this :)..was so wonderful to be able to spend the night with my DF without the girls came back very refreshed, tad tired from lack of sleep but very refreshed does this make sense ??
Have done a lot of thinking, analysing, and even though I still intend to see someone I do think I am doing rather well...have a lot of support in my DF..he is truly my best friend... this brings me to today exercise has been good, eating has been good and all in all am feeling strong and determined.............. DF had to go back early this morning , even though I hate it when he has to go back I am very thankful that he has been around a lot lately and am thankful just having him in my life , even if 4 hours away :) one should always appreciate what they have, not be sad over what they dont have my view anyway :)
Was so good catching up on all your news..hope you all have a fantastic week
Luv Em xx
Friday, January 25, 2008
Smiling
Hello
Today is Friday...girls go back to school next Wednesday/Thursday....... they are looking forward to going back ( as is mum lol ) I didnt say that ok :)...miss 10 goes into year 5 and miss 13 into year 9 wow where has the time gone hey.
Today we are going to have a look around at the festival.........from what I have heard it doesnt seem to be as big this year as previous, not as many people here apparently.....we normally get around 70 000 extra people during Country Music Festival.......whether you like country music or not the festival is definately an experience .........
Miss 10 wants to go see Kasey Chambers tonight...she always gives a free concert in the park which is pretty damn good of her really so we will be going to that around 5 ish.
As each day passes , I am feeling better and the pain is easing..... time is what its going to take but I know its going to be ok.......there are some incredible ladies out there in blogland..... truly inspirational , really has made me sit back, think and gain some positives ........
To hear the news of Heath Ledger , such a sad loss, so young, my heart goes out to his little girl , Michelle and his family.
To all the Aussies hope you have a great Australia Day ..... to my NZ friends have a great weekend
Em x
Today is Friday...girls go back to school next Wednesday/Thursday....... they are looking forward to going back ( as is mum lol ) I didnt say that ok :)...miss 10 goes into year 5 and miss 13 into year 9 wow where has the time gone hey.
Today we are going to have a look around at the festival.........from what I have heard it doesnt seem to be as big this year as previous, not as many people here apparently.....we normally get around 70 000 extra people during Country Music Festival.......whether you like country music or not the festival is definately an experience .........
Miss 10 wants to go see Kasey Chambers tonight...she always gives a free concert in the park which is pretty damn good of her really so we will be going to that around 5 ish.
As each day passes , I am feeling better and the pain is easing..... time is what its going to take but I know its going to be ok.......there are some incredible ladies out there in blogland..... truly inspirational , really has made me sit back, think and gain some positives ........
To hear the news of Heath Ledger , such a sad loss, so young, my heart goes out to his little girl , Michelle and his family.
To all the Aussies hope you have a great Australia Day ..... to my NZ friends have a great weekend
Em x
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Home
Hey All
I am back home......holiday was relaxing, even though it rained some of the time...girls had a great time as we all did....shopping, seeing friends, went to the beach a couple of times.... very relaxing just what the dr ordered :).
Didnt get to see my parents or my brothers and their families....they have made their mind up that its my fault miss 21 is the way she is, some very hurtful things were said on their part to miss 20 which I see as being so wrong anyway, if they have a problem with me say it to me dont run me down or say stuff to my children.Miss 20 was so hurt by what was said to her that she cut her holiday (she was staying at their place) and came home before we left.
I have decided that they arent going to change....I keep allowing them to hurt me and boy could I fill you on some stuff they have done even to the extent of denying that my two younger children even exist to my uncles/ aunts etc all because I didnt marry their father.... I think the term my parents used once was "BASTARDS". Anyway I have shed enough tears, they are who they are I cant change that but I do have control over how much I let them into my life..... and am going to seek some professional help so that I can face this and everything else and move on to a happier healthier me :).
I weighed myself this morning and the scales say the same ...this is ok could be worse and say I've gained so am smiling and saying thank you :).
I am doing ok I think ...will definately still be blogging and trying really hard to continue this journey..am positive that my life will be much brighter now...sorry for being a downer again but it really helps airing it even if here.........
Will catch up really soon .....
Love Em
I am back home......holiday was relaxing, even though it rained some of the time...girls had a great time as we all did....shopping, seeing friends, went to the beach a couple of times.... very relaxing just what the dr ordered :).
Didnt get to see my parents or my brothers and their families....they have made their mind up that its my fault miss 21 is the way she is, some very hurtful things were said on their part to miss 20 which I see as being so wrong anyway, if they have a problem with me say it to me dont run me down or say stuff to my children.Miss 20 was so hurt by what was said to her that she cut her holiday (she was staying at their place) and came home before we left.
I have decided that they arent going to change....I keep allowing them to hurt me and boy could I fill you on some stuff they have done even to the extent of denying that my two younger children even exist to my uncles/ aunts etc all because I didnt marry their father.... I think the term my parents used once was "BASTARDS". Anyway I have shed enough tears, they are who they are I cant change that but I do have control over how much I let them into my life..... and am going to seek some professional help so that I can face this and everything else and move on to a happier healthier me :).
I weighed myself this morning and the scales say the same ...this is ok could be worse and say I've gained so am smiling and saying thank you :).
I am doing ok I think ...will definately still be blogging and trying really hard to continue this journey..am positive that my life will be much brighter now...sorry for being a downer again but it really helps airing it even if here.........
Will catch up really soon .....
Love Em
Thursday, January 17, 2008
The past is just that its the present that counts if the future is to be brighter
Hi All
I just finished reading another blog...just a blog like all other blogs but in this blog a girl decided to unleash a secret..a secret that she had carried for a long time and now the future and the present is a whole lot brighter for this girl..this girl is now living.
Isnt that what life is all about ..living ..if I continue to think my world is ok, will be ok without really dealing with all my secrets then all im doing is merely surviving.
My world is a whole lot better than it has been in the past but its time for me to see a professional. I cant deal with everything that has happened in the past few weeks on my own anymore as to do that I am not being fare to my girls, my fiancee and certainly not to myself......am not embarrassed or ashamed to say I have seen a Psychologist before......surviving a very abusive relationship and finally having enough courage to leave even tho self esteem isnt in the vocabulary at this time.Seeing her made me discover that I am strong, the strength has always been there just hidden, it helped me to deal with what had happened, to move on, learn that to hate and carry anger towards him only gives him a degree of control over me still. I learnt to forgive him not so he could sleep at night but so I could..by seeing her I was able to in time meet my current man who is now my fiancee and have the strong relationship that we have today.
Anyway the past week has erupted more than I can deal with... not only finding out about the lies from a so called friend..yesterday I feel I lost my eldest daughter..... she has been lying also and has never stopped seeing or contacting her b/f. She had the charges dropped and somehow he escaped rehab,will never know the true story as she is the only one who can fill in the gaps and yesterday she told me she didnt need me and to never contact her again.There was a ring of I mean it this time to her voice, a coldness that I have never felt before . It has caused a wedge between my family, my parents, my brothers , family who dont seem to understand the concept of the word family
I am a survivor.......never a victim .......... but to be able to live and not just merely survive, the time has come to seek help again. I cannot loose this weight, be totally happy and alive successfully until I deal with all the hidden secrets, thoughts and feelings.
I am still going away, if my family dont want us there thats their choice, I will be staying with a friend , the younger ones and I will have a great time , even my fiancee will be joining us on Saturday........need a hug from him sometimes distance just sux.
Thanx to all who read this, sorry for being such a downer as far as blogs go recently but from now on there is the real hope that the future will be brighter.
Cya all when I get back ........
Take care
Luv Em xxxxxxxxxxx
UPDATE..... How wise are Children ? My 10 year old came out of her room and said Mum I want you to listen to this song, I know you will like it...she then began to play "one step forward " by HI -5......... it goes like this
" Don't be afraid to try something new..
Don't stop yourself from being you
If you cant do it this way
Then try another way
And keep on saying I can do
Dare yourself to jump up high
Take your feet off the ground
And reach for the sky
One step forward dont look back,
It won't take long till you're on that track
If you need a little help then I'm here for you
Keep on trying and you''ll get through. "
Gawd I love this kid :) just times like this reinforces the known hey
I just finished reading another blog...just a blog like all other blogs but in this blog a girl decided to unleash a secret..a secret that she had carried for a long time and now the future and the present is a whole lot brighter for this girl..this girl is now living.
Isnt that what life is all about ..living ..if I continue to think my world is ok, will be ok without really dealing with all my secrets then all im doing is merely surviving.
My world is a whole lot better than it has been in the past but its time for me to see a professional. I cant deal with everything that has happened in the past few weeks on my own anymore as to do that I am not being fare to my girls, my fiancee and certainly not to myself......am not embarrassed or ashamed to say I have seen a Psychologist before......surviving a very abusive relationship and finally having enough courage to leave even tho self esteem isnt in the vocabulary at this time.Seeing her made me discover that I am strong, the strength has always been there just hidden, it helped me to deal with what had happened, to move on, learn that to hate and carry anger towards him only gives him a degree of control over me still. I learnt to forgive him not so he could sleep at night but so I could..by seeing her I was able to in time meet my current man who is now my fiancee and have the strong relationship that we have today.
Anyway the past week has erupted more than I can deal with... not only finding out about the lies from a so called friend..yesterday I feel I lost my eldest daughter..... she has been lying also and has never stopped seeing or contacting her b/f. She had the charges dropped and somehow he escaped rehab,will never know the true story as she is the only one who can fill in the gaps and yesterday she told me she didnt need me and to never contact her again.There was a ring of I mean it this time to her voice, a coldness that I have never felt before . It has caused a wedge between my family, my parents, my brothers , family who dont seem to understand the concept of the word family
I am a survivor.......never a victim .......... but to be able to live and not just merely survive, the time has come to seek help again. I cannot loose this weight, be totally happy and alive successfully until I deal with all the hidden secrets, thoughts and feelings.
I am still going away, if my family dont want us there thats their choice, I will be staying with a friend , the younger ones and I will have a great time , even my fiancee will be joining us on Saturday........need a hug from him sometimes distance just sux.
Thanx to all who read this, sorry for being such a downer as far as blogs go recently but from now on there is the real hope that the future will be brighter.
Cya all when I get back ........
Take care
Luv Em xxxxxxxxxxx
UPDATE..... How wise are Children ? My 10 year old came out of her room and said Mum I want you to listen to this song, I know you will like it...she then began to play "one step forward " by HI -5......... it goes like this
" Don't be afraid to try something new..
Don't stop yourself from being you
If you cant do it this way
Then try another way
And keep on saying I can do
Dare yourself to jump up high
Take your feet off the ground
And reach for the sky
One step forward dont look back,
It won't take long till you're on that track
If you need a little help then I'm here for you
Keep on trying and you''ll get through. "
Gawd I love this kid :) just times like this reinforces the known hey
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
No Movement
Weighed myself today...no movement , stayed the same,I am not surprised.... since finding out about the biggest conman I have ever come across, my water intake has dropped dramatically. Yesterday I was so scared of eating and eating, altho I did turn a little to comfort food I was able to stop before any damage was done.
I will be damned if he is going to make me go back to old ways.
As for any sort of remorse Lee-Anne nope dont think so, he just virtually tried to lie his way out of it and even tried to insult my intelligence by saying I misunderstood him........yeah rite misunderstood him my ass.
I had asked him if he would be a character reference on my resume he said yes no problems put me down as a clinical psychologist...now he is saying he didnt say to do that....am over him will never contact him again as its a waste of time....he wouldnt know the truth if it fell over him .
Thanx Chris for such a quick comment..really helped a lot hugssssssss.
If anyone reads this and is scratching their head the previous post will explain it all.
Cant wait until Thursday am off on holidays for a week ...........relaxing, beaches, shopping, what more can a girl want hey :)
Will be around before I leave
Em xxx
I will be damned if he is going to make me go back to old ways.
As for any sort of remorse Lee-Anne nope dont think so, he just virtually tried to lie his way out of it and even tried to insult my intelligence by saying I misunderstood him........yeah rite misunderstood him my ass.
I had asked him if he would be a character reference on my resume he said yes no problems put me down as a clinical psychologist...now he is saying he didnt say to do that....am over him will never contact him again as its a waste of time....he wouldnt know the truth if it fell over him .
Thanx Chris for such a quick comment..really helped a lot hugssssssss.
If anyone reads this and is scratching their head the previous post will explain it all.
Cant wait until Thursday am off on holidays for a week ...........relaxing, beaches, shopping, what more can a girl want hey :)
Will be around before I leave
Em xxx
Monday, January 14, 2008
Am I a Fool or what ?
Did you ever think you had a friend then find out that the whole friendship has been based on lies?
I did........I thought I had a friend, I thought he was a psychologist well he introduced himself as one to me and my family 15 mths ago......he was there for us at times and I really sought out his profession at times esp with TAFE and my crazy world . I found out by accident a few days ago that he isnt a psychologist at all .....NOPE , he just chose to say he was and pretend to listen and give options, said he was here for all of us. He lied about his profession, where he worked almost everything this man has said over the past 15 months has been lies.He made himself available to me as a friend but also as a psychologist someone who knew what he was doing and saying.I feel he has played with my mind, the impact of it all hitting me today........why.... what did he have to gain? I finally got him on the phone to see if he could tell me why he lied, his answer I dont know really was something that just got out of hand......... how fucking lovely is that.
Do I now need to seek out proof that everyone is who they say they are.......??? Do I loose faith in people in general ??
I feel like the biggest fool out...........
Please dont let me turn to food to get through this ...........HELP ............
I did........I thought I had a friend, I thought he was a psychologist well he introduced himself as one to me and my family 15 mths ago......he was there for us at times and I really sought out his profession at times esp with TAFE and my crazy world . I found out by accident a few days ago that he isnt a psychologist at all .....NOPE , he just chose to say he was and pretend to listen and give options, said he was here for all of us. He lied about his profession, where he worked almost everything this man has said over the past 15 months has been lies.He made himself available to me as a friend but also as a psychologist someone who knew what he was doing and saying.I feel he has played with my mind, the impact of it all hitting me today........why.... what did he have to gain? I finally got him on the phone to see if he could tell me why he lied, his answer I dont know really was something that just got out of hand......... how fucking lovely is that.
Do I now need to seek out proof that everyone is who they say they are.......??? Do I loose faith in people in general ??
I feel like the biggest fool out...........
Please dont let me turn to food to get through this ...........HELP ............
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
there might be something in this after all
Hello all
Over the past couple of weeks I have been talking to some "experts " and doing a bit of reading, taking a bit from here and a bit from there and working on a plan for me and you know what I really think this could be the way for me. This week showed a loss of 2 kgs........I am not hungry, my fluid retention is much better, I have a lot more energy, am sleeping better, not doing much in the way of exercise and yet the kilos are dropping off.......and I am loosing it all over .......... so am definately going to continue what I am doing :)
I put my two bigger girls on the train this morning...one has gone back home , the other one for 2 weeks holidays .......ahhhhhhhhh am really looking forward to just the three of us for a week.
We are going on holidays next thursday, will be gone for 10 days........am really looking forward to the break away from here also.....be great to catch up with family and friends...didnt go back home much last year as tafe just seemed to consume me.
I have appplied for a few jobs, always have the offer from work placement to fall back on if I dont get a job so hopefully there will be some good news in that department too.
The hot weather has hit us again, cant really complain has been a pretty mild summer so far compared to the past few years.....just been doing things with the girls like movies ,ten pin, not a great deal to do here..this place absolutely sucks for things to do, never mind will be on the coast for good before we know it .
Hope all is good in your worlds.........be around to say hi very soon
Love Em xx
Over the past couple of weeks I have been talking to some "experts " and doing a bit of reading, taking a bit from here and a bit from there and working on a plan for me and you know what I really think this could be the way for me. This week showed a loss of 2 kgs........I am not hungry, my fluid retention is much better, I have a lot more energy, am sleeping better, not doing much in the way of exercise and yet the kilos are dropping off.......and I am loosing it all over .......... so am definately going to continue what I am doing :)
I put my two bigger girls on the train this morning...one has gone back home , the other one for 2 weeks holidays .......ahhhhhhhhh am really looking forward to just the three of us for a week.
We are going on holidays next thursday, will be gone for 10 days........am really looking forward to the break away from here also.....be great to catch up with family and friends...didnt go back home much last year as tafe just seemed to consume me.
I have appplied for a few jobs, always have the offer from work placement to fall back on if I dont get a job so hopefully there will be some good news in that department too.
The hot weather has hit us again, cant really complain has been a pretty mild summer so far compared to the past few years.....just been doing things with the girls like movies ,ten pin, not a great deal to do here..this place absolutely sucks for things to do, never mind will be on the coast for good before we know it .
Hope all is good in your worlds.........be around to say hi very soon
Love Em xx
Thursday, January 03, 2008
Happy New Year
Wishing you and your families all the best in 2008....may this year be the year for all of us in every aspect of our lives.
New year brings new beginnings and I am really feeling confident that this year I will get back to my goal weight..........I survived Christmas and the New Year in pretty good shape...didnt weigh myself last week so this week I had a 2.5 kg loss ...really think the water intake is working for me and I guess its like everything else when your on a good thing and something is working for you than stick to it....also cutting out and back on carbs such as bread and potato is really working for me too.......
I love my girls dearly but boy oh boy the two bigger ones well I am so over them.....they continually look to blame me for what is happening in their lives...they just cant see that it is their life ,their responsiblity as to how they live it and the decisions they make...sure the past wasnt so great at times but gees why make the present and future the bloody same...... at times I feel like I have to answer to them in almost everything I do ..awful thing to say here but I really wish the one that is living here would move out (awful mum hey )...as I said love them dearly but at times I dislike them totally.
I hope you all had a lovely Christmas and New Year and I really am looking forward to sharing your journey again this year ....health, happiness and weight loss to all :)
Em xxx
New year brings new beginnings and I am really feeling confident that this year I will get back to my goal weight..........I survived Christmas and the New Year in pretty good shape...didnt weigh myself last week so this week I had a 2.5 kg loss ...really think the water intake is working for me and I guess its like everything else when your on a good thing and something is working for you than stick to it....also cutting out and back on carbs such as bread and potato is really working for me too.......
I love my girls dearly but boy oh boy the two bigger ones well I am so over them.....they continually look to blame me for what is happening in their lives...they just cant see that it is their life ,their responsiblity as to how they live it and the decisions they make...sure the past wasnt so great at times but gees why make the present and future the bloody same...... at times I feel like I have to answer to them in almost everything I do ..awful thing to say here but I really wish the one that is living here would move out (awful mum hey )...as I said love them dearly but at times I dislike them totally.
I hope you all had a lovely Christmas and New Year and I really am looking forward to sharing your journey again this year ....health, happiness and weight loss to all :)
Em xxx
Monday, December 24, 2007
MERRY CHRISTMAS
Wishing all my blog buddies and their families a wonderful Christmas..
Love Em and family xoxoxoxoxox
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Week 2 here we go
Hey all
Week 1 was a huge success........ managed to stick to my plan for a whole week including the weekend and two birthdays so I am feeling really good in myself...have been drinking 4 1/2 litres of water and it has made a huge difference for me.......along with cutting back on carbs and the result for my first week is a loss of 4.8 kgs.
I will definately be watching myself very carefully this week tho as I know from past experience that the first week back always shows a bigger loss due to fluid loss but in having said that I do think 4 .8 kgs is definately something to smile about :).
My world has been pretty busy with birthdays...was my fiancee's ( mmm still getting used to that word ....mmm) birthday last Friday , I cooked a nice dinner and bought him a cake from the cheesecake shop ( his favourite)....was pretty laid back but nice all the same.
Yesterday was my baby's 10th Birthday ..... she invited two of her friends and we all went out for dinner ....... was very nice ...I had a warm chicken salad with honey mustard dressing.....and water of course then we came home for yet another cake ...I had the smallest piece of cake wasnt much of a temptation really as i was so full from dinner.
D/F has gone back to the coast this morning... has to tidy things up at work and organise his house (he lets his brother and his family stay there for two weeks over Christmas as they live in SA) wont see him again now until Saturday but then we get to keep him for 2 and 1/2 weeks :):) .
My eldest daughter is coming home tomorrow for a few weeks ....will be so good to have her home for a while where i can see for myself how she really is instead of hearing over the phone" I am ok mum " she has been through so much with having the miscarriage and dealing with all the court stuff anyways be nice to have her home and give her a cuddle .
OK well id best get moving ... have a great day
Em xxxxx
Week 1 was a huge success........ managed to stick to my plan for a whole week including the weekend and two birthdays so I am feeling really good in myself...have been drinking 4 1/2 litres of water and it has made a huge difference for me.......along with cutting back on carbs and the result for my first week is a loss of 4.8 kgs.
I will definately be watching myself very carefully this week tho as I know from past experience that the first week back always shows a bigger loss due to fluid loss but in having said that I do think 4 .8 kgs is definately something to smile about :).
My world has been pretty busy with birthdays...was my fiancee's ( mmm still getting used to that word ....mmm) birthday last Friday , I cooked a nice dinner and bought him a cake from the cheesecake shop ( his favourite)....was pretty laid back but nice all the same.
Yesterday was my baby's 10th Birthday ..... she invited two of her friends and we all went out for dinner ....... was very nice ...I had a warm chicken salad with honey mustard dressing.....and water of course then we came home for yet another cake ...I had the smallest piece of cake wasnt much of a temptation really as i was so full from dinner.
D/F has gone back to the coast this morning... has to tidy things up at work and organise his house (he lets his brother and his family stay there for two weeks over Christmas as they live in SA) wont see him again now until Saturday but then we get to keep him for 2 and 1/2 weeks :):) .
My eldest daughter is coming home tomorrow for a few weeks ....will be so good to have her home for a while where i can see for myself how she really is instead of hearing over the phone" I am ok mum " she has been through so much with having the miscarriage and dealing with all the court stuff anyways be nice to have her home and give her a cuddle .
OK well id best get moving ... have a great day
Em xxxxx
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Water , water, water
Hi All
Day 3 and am feeling really , really wonderful ...not cocky just wonderful , have so much more energy and ooomph .
I was talking to a "expert " so to speak about my fluid retention and was told that for every 25 kgs you should be drinking 1 litre of water.....I thought omg I am way under ..anyways have been drinking my quota for 3 days now and so far so good only thing is the loo has become my new home :) ...have also cut back on carbs and like I said am feeling really awsum.
Exercise has been very limited mainly walking ..plan is to get back into the swing of that next week ..just felt that I needed to control my eating first instead of trying to do two things at once..........hurdle for me in the past has been that when I exercise I am on top of my world and food isnt an issue..dont exercise well then food is an issue.... so am teaching myself that food isnt an issue with or without exercise.......:)
Thanx to all who have been so kind really means a lot to me having your support .........
xxxx Em
Day 3 and am feeling really , really wonderful ...not cocky just wonderful , have so much more energy and ooomph .
I was talking to a "expert " so to speak about my fluid retention and was told that for every 25 kgs you should be drinking 1 litre of water.....I thought omg I am way under ..anyways have been drinking my quota for 3 days now and so far so good only thing is the loo has become my new home :) ...have also cut back on carbs and like I said am feeling really awsum.
Exercise has been very limited mainly walking ..plan is to get back into the swing of that next week ..just felt that I needed to control my eating first instead of trying to do two things at once..........hurdle for me in the past has been that when I exercise I am on top of my world and food isnt an issue..dont exercise well then food is an issue.... so am teaching myself that food isnt an issue with or without exercise.......:)
Thanx to all who have been so kind really means a lot to me having your support .........
xxxx Em
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Just what I needed
Hello
All I have done this morning is cry...cry..ahhh well crying is ok and I feel is just what I needed.....am over the moon about being engaged but deep down I knew that still my weight is an issue for me......so I jumped on the scales not prepared for what they revealed but must face reality and say I am now 110 kgs.............a hell of a lot of weight to cry about .........so out came all the emotions , the blame, the hating myself, the wonder why my guy would have asked me to marry him as all I am is fat and ugly.....I feel like a mix master is inside me........... so there is the story behind the morning of tears....... I went back to day 1 of my blog and have just re read all my entries ...gathered some points here and there, laughed and cried some more.....and am now ready to start this journey all over again............
For however long it takes ....I am going to try and blog more regularly and have also decided to draw on past entries for inspiration, will post a past entry from time to time in no specific order What better time to start then now
Blog entry 2005
I had Al's Y7 orientation day yesterday cant believe Al is off to high school next year only seems like yesterday I was leaving her in kindergarten.Looking back over these past years and what we as a family have endured and overcome to get where we all are today brings tears and a smile to my face. I know what it is like to overcome hurdles, to survive when you somehow dont know how that is going to happen and if there really is such a thing as a rainbow at the end but there is and that is how I know that I will get to my goal ...this is what will make me continue no matter what hurdle appears. I know I am sort of rambling here but I need to see this for myself...be able to go back and read over this during the next few week
Time to start this journey again...........time to wipe away the tears......... hugs to you all :)
You can bend but never break me
'Cause it only serves to make me
More determined to achieve my final goal
And I come back even stronger
Not a novice any longer
'Cause you've deepened the conviction in my soul
All I have done this morning is cry...cry..ahhh well crying is ok and I feel is just what I needed.....am over the moon about being engaged but deep down I knew that still my weight is an issue for me......so I jumped on the scales not prepared for what they revealed but must face reality and say I am now 110 kgs.............a hell of a lot of weight to cry about .........so out came all the emotions , the blame, the hating myself, the wonder why my guy would have asked me to marry him as all I am is fat and ugly.....I feel like a mix master is inside me........... so there is the story behind the morning of tears....... I went back to day 1 of my blog and have just re read all my entries ...gathered some points here and there, laughed and cried some more.....and am now ready to start this journey all over again............
For however long it takes ....I am going to try and blog more regularly and have also decided to draw on past entries for inspiration, will post a past entry from time to time in no specific order What better time to start then now
Blog entry 2005
I had Al's Y7 orientation day yesterday cant believe Al is off to high school next year only seems like yesterday I was leaving her in kindergarten.Looking back over these past years and what we as a family have endured and overcome to get where we all are today brings tears and a smile to my face. I know what it is like to overcome hurdles, to survive when you somehow dont know how that is going to happen and if there really is such a thing as a rainbow at the end but there is and that is how I know that I will get to my goal ...this is what will make me continue no matter what hurdle appears. I know I am sort of rambling here but I need to see this for myself...be able to go back and read over this during the next few week
Time to start this journey again...........time to wipe away the tears......... hugs to you all :)
You can bend but never break me
'Cause it only serves to make me
More determined to achieve my final goal
And I come back even stronger
Not a novice any longer
'Cause you've deepened the conviction in my soul
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)